I’m not an Army brat anymore…

One thing I remember vividly from my childhood is saying goodbye to friends. It was just one of the ‘perks’ of being an Army kid. Every 2 to 3 years, my best friend was pcsing and saying goodbye. I can remember back to my 1st best friend… Jenn, I think I was 6 or 7 and I remember crying so hard when she left. You would think I’d get used to it and toughen up, but it never got any easier.

Fast forward to age 28… I’ve been living in the states for 12 years and I haven’t really had to say goodbye to a best friend since then. Well, until last week.

G left for the Peace Corps 6 days ago. I can’t even begin to explain the clusterfuck of emotions… I’m sooooooo very proud of her, I miss her, I’m nervous and anxious with her, I’m excited for her… but mostly I just miss having my bff near by. She is an amazing woman and most people don’t have the balls to do what she is doing, so I’m grateful that she gets to have this experience… she will be forever changed for it.

We did get to spend her last night here together… although we spent 99% of the time packing, cleaning, panicking, packing, packing and packing. Lol…. And I got to take her to the airport… although that may have been a mistake especially since I only got 45 minutes of sleep and she got none. Sleepiness seems to heighten emotions; because we were both a mess, tears, hugs and more tears… it was so hard to leave her at the airport. I guess I’m kind of a mother hen after all.

I’m not saying goodbye though… it’s just “See you later”… and she will absolutely be seeing me in the Caribbean… I don’t need much of an excuse to go to the beach!

Love you G! :-)

xoxo,
 

That’s BULLSHIT!

Remember the huge life changing surprise I had?

Well… it fell through.

They didn’t pick me. :-(

It’s complete bullshit.

Anyways… since it doesn’t matter anymore, I can tell you the big secret.

I auditioned for MasterChef…. A cooking show for amateur chefs that airs on Fox.

G and I drove out to New Orleans. 6 hours in the car… just me my bestie and my nerves… oh and my tasting dish on dry ice. I made Lime grilled shrimp with corn salsa and cilantro aioli… I must say it was pretty damn tasty.

I made it through the tasting round, personality round and the on-camera interview round.

Seriously, I made it really far.

Like to the point of signing confidentiality contracts and giving me dates of taping and stipend amounts if I make it to LA. Of course they were always really careful to mention that I was still in the running and not yet been selected, but still… all of that seemed to justify getting my hopes up.

But when it came down to being on the show, they didn’t pick me.

Woe is me.

The thought of possibly winning $250,000 by just doing what I love…. And the exposure on national television…

Man this is bullshit.

So I’m disappointed. But life goes on.

There is always MasterChef 2012.

xoxo,
 

Reflection on 2010…

As another year comes to an end and a new decade begins I am overwhelmed with excitement, love, gratitude and opportunity that this year brings with it.

Looking back on this past year makes me realize how much things can change with time.

January 2010…
I was getting over the breakup of my 5 year relationship… I was heartbroken and trying to find my footing. G and I went to LA for the most amazingly fun weekend ever. I started seeing a therapist, I jumped out of a plane with my best friend and moved out of the house I shared wit my ex and moved into an apartment with the city with G. January was an interesting month, I reunited with my alter-ego ‘Toni’… needles to say, I partied more than a little bit.

February 2010…
The partied continued…. Until I crashed. Literally.

March 2010…
I re-discovered myself, my spirituality and independence, and believe it or not, I did not find it in the bottom of a vodka bottle. I was going to the spiritual living center; I was working out (a lot) and I signed up for match.com.

April 2010…
I found love on match.com . I continued my workout regimen and I did the Master cleanse for the first time and hit my lowest weight ever, 169.4 lbs. Love, happiness, progress and gratitude was seeping out of my pores. :-)

May 2010…
I went on an all girls getaway to South beach and had an AMAZING time with G and some of our other friends. I came home with a girlfriend and proceeded to fall head over heals in love.

June 2010….
I turned 28 and partied like a rock star! I was still on cloud 9 of my new relationship and trying to balance love, life, friends and work…. *hence the lack of blog posts*

July 2010…
I re-evaluated my financial situation and decided to ask for donations on my blog to help me get out of debt, a` la Save-Karyn. I gained ‘honey-moon’ pounds and J and I drove 12 hours to her home town to meet the parents.

August 2010…
Off to Vegas, J and I attended her Cousins wedding together and I TRIED to get back on track in the financial and weight departments. I also had a moment (or 2) about how much I am gonna miss G when she leaves for the Peace Corps…. :-(

September 2010…
I moved into a very awesome, very comfortable, very amazing one bedroom apartment of my very own and I started taking a Science of Mind class with G and began exploring my spirituality more. I was still basking in the honeymoon love with J…. but I finally came up for some air and reached out to some friends.

October 2010…
I got to go home and visit my family. I had some much fun spending quality time them and recharging my batteries. While I was gone, J and I started writing a joint fiction story that we are still working on; who knows… it might be published one day!:-) I also dealt with an internal battle of what my passion is and how to incorporate it in real life…. For the record, I think I’ve answered my questions, but I can’t talk about it quite yet!

November 2010…
I faced the reality that I no longer had the awesome tiny body that I managed to acquire back in May. I gained every pound back plus some…. We’ll just say its winter weight! Something that I didn’t blog about…. G and I took a road trip to New Orleans; we had so much fun together…. A great bonding experience that I’ll never forget.

December 2010…
Was just a few days ago, but I was fed up with my constant weight gain and decided to the Master Cleanse again. I lost 16 pounds, but sill struggled with maintaining a structured workout plan during the holidays. I wrote down a long term financial plan…. And even achieved my first goal! I helped J with a budget and experimented in the kitchen. J and I drove up to her home town again to spend Christmas with her family…of course I missed my family during the holidays, but we had a wonderful time and I was happy to spend it with her.

All in all 2010 was an awesome year…I am so grateful for all the wonderful people I have in my life that have always supported me. Things haven’t always been easy, but I realize more and more that God is all there is and I am a strong amazing woman and even when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel I know that its there.

2011 is going to be another amazing year!

Happy New Year!!


xoxo,
 

Battling the fat girl living inside of me and Betty Crocker…

I haven’t been to the gym since last Wednesday.

I haven’t been eating badly, but I haven’t been to the gym in 7 days, and the only reason I went then was because I was out of town for business and I didn’t have anything else to do.

What do I have to do to get rid of the porker inside of me??

Didn't I enjoy working out at one point??

I keep saying all the things I need to do, and I’m ‘gonna’ do… Hell I stopped eating for 11 days cleanse my system and ‘re-boot’(11 days instead of 10 on the master cleanse, apparently J and I can’t count!).

Part of the problem is the holiday madness. Getting ready for our road trip, baking millions of delicious little treats as though my last name is Crocker… shopping, packing and shipping… just one thing after another.

The cookies turned out great by the way… here is the picture I promised:




Chocolate chip cookies, Nutella filled orange linzer cookies, Mexican wedding cookies (aka snowball cookies), butter cookies AND sugar cookies

Needles to say, my kitchen was quite a CF (cluster fuck) for a couple of days… but it was worth it…. I’m pretty sure the girlfriend’s family will enjoy them! Nothing like a homemade gift!
Good news is when we get back from our holiday road trip the cookies will no longer be in the house, there will be no gifts to wrap and I’ll have absolutely no excuse for not working out.

Talk to you guys when I get back…. Have a wonderful ChrisKwazHkah!

xoxo,
 

Falling asleep at work…

It’s one of those days.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or what, but I went to bed early- 1030pm and woke up around 715am and I am still dragging. Did I sleep too much??

*sorry, I nodded off in front of my computer* lol… such a dork.

On another note…. The girlfriend and I will be packing up a rental car and driving to her home town (12 hours away!) on Wednesday for Chirstmas. I’m pretty excited about it, because we had so much fun together the last road trip… not really looking forward to the driving though.

Over the weekend I made piles and piles of holiday cookies. My entire kitchen was covered with flour and sprinkles and chocolate… every surface was covered by something. I’ll have to snap a picture when I get home tonight.

Speaking of pictures… I never made the chocolate soufflé or Hollandaise; however I did assault half a dozen eggs trying to make a perfect poached egg… lol. It’s not quite as easy as I thought but I finally got it…. Thanks to some youtube videos and Juila Child.

Oh I can't forget, the girlfriend also made me breakfast in bed on Sunday. So very sweet! Pancakes, eggs, turkey bacon and fruit.  She loves me :-)

Keeping it short and sweet today…. You all have a wonderful day!

Oh wait….Did you guys notice I’ve been blogging more?? :-) 6 posts so far this month, compared to 1 last month. (whomp whomp)

Ciao!

xoxo,
 

I have a secret!

I have something sooooooo huge coming up and I want to talk about it soooo bad.

But I can’t.

I can’t say a word.

Don’t you hate when people do that. Say that have something über important to discuss, but can’t say??

I do. It’s the worst.

So sorry about that.

Seriously, you have no idea how bad I want to spill. Lol

Anyways…

Last night I made a traditional cheese soufflé for the first time… I think I over cooked it just a tad, but the taste was still delicious.



cheese  soufflé


I also made a  Roasted Garlic and Pepper Sabayon with Asparagus and Seared Scallops. OMG.Yum! First of all I looooove asparagus, but the Sabayon was heaven on a plate. The Sabayon is traditionally a dessert sauce, but the ingredients can be changed to just about any combination to make it savory.

  Roasted Garlic and Pepper Sabayon with Asparagus and Seared Scallops

I have Mastering the Art of French Cooking out on my coffee table just waiting for me to get home- I’m poaching eggs, making hollandaise and making chocolate soufflé tonight. Super excited! I’ll post pictures tomorrow!

SN: I am making all this stuff for the purpose of being a better cook- not to be a fat ass and eat it all, lol. I’ll be having a salad and just tasting/sharing my creations. And of course I will squeeze in some gym time too!

Have a wonderful day!

xoxo,
 

Food!!

So my final weight after the cleanse…. 197.2 lbs.

About 16 pounds lost in 10 days.

Not too shabby!

Here’s what I ate after a day of freash squeezed OJ and clear chicken broth…

It was delsious! Mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, broccoli, dill and a homemade vinaigrette…. Yum!

I’m keeping it short today. Gotta get to the gym!

Have a wonderful night!


xoxo,
 

Master Cleanse 2, DAY 10!! Plus budgeting and being happy…

Its day 10, its day 10!!

Yaaaaay!!!

I had a dream last night that I cheated on day nine at some kind of appetizer buffet. Stuffed mushrooms, shrimp, crudités... Lol… guess it’s about time to eat again.

So, I just have to make through today (and tonight)… I’m going to a holiday gathering this evening with G, and there will be food and alcohol… and I’ll get to have lemonade and herbal tea… yummy. Ugh.

But tomorrow morning when I wake up…. ORANGE JUICE! Yum! Delicious fresh squeezed Orange Juice… I can taste it already, it’s gonna be the best juice of my life. Monday I’m gonna go ahead and go straight into raw fruits and veggies… which means SALAD! God, I can’t explain in words how excited I am about salad. *excited*

I plan on weighing myself tomorrow morning, so I will be posting that soon.

On another note… I finally got J to do a budget. Yay! We worked on it together and tailored it to fit her exactly… it’s working really well. She has this whole new found happiness about her… between the cleanse and all the things we worked on during these 10 days, it really has transformed us both. I swear having a budget relieves so much pressure and stress! I mean… yes, it’s difficult to stick to sometimes, but seeing that your money CAN actually work for you is a awesome feeling.

Needless to say seeing her happy and being happy myself really makes me feel good… on the inside and out. *smiling*

You guys have a wonderful weekend! I’ll be back soon with my skinny-mini new weight! (ok, maybe no skinny-mini, but definitely on the way!)

xoxo,
 

Master Cleanse 2, day 7…

Wooooo Hoooooo!! Only three more days left. Thank you GOD!

I have good news. I weighed myself yesterday…… 199.8lbs

Down 12.2 pounds! And out of the dreaded 200’s!

Again…. It’s a cleanse so I’m not eating any solid food, but I am getting about 1000 calories a day from the Lemonade and Maple syrup concoction…. So I know I will gain a few pounds back once I'm done, but I feel soooo much better and that feeling is what I need to continue to shed pounds.

I have been working out just about every day. So far I’ve gotten in a 30 minute cardio workout 5 of the 7 days, it’s definitely not an intense workout by ay means, but it’s got me moving again. Once I start eating I am definitely hopping on the treadmill to start running again- my goal is to get back up to running 2 miles in 20 minutes or less within a month.

I’m actually excited about working out (for real workouts, not just 30 min walks). When I started the cleanse, I had no desire what so ever… I just wanted to sit on my ass and eat. So Amen for that.

I’m really excited because I got exactly what I was looking for with this fast- clarity to listen to my body emotionally and physically and ENERGY to keep myself healthy.

I’ve also taken some time for myself during this period too. I took myself to the movies to see “Love and other Drugs”… which was an awesome chick-flick by the way and I looooove Anne Hathaway. I hung out with my Gay Boyfriend and I hung out with H. I’ve been reading The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A practical Guide to the Fulfillment of your Dreams by Deepak Chopra. J and I are also working on our budgets, and working on spiritual mind treatments for each other. It’s amazing how much time you have when you aren’t eating!

I’m super excited about my renewed attitude and burst of energy!

Hope you all have a fantastic hump day! Talk to you soon!

xoxo,
 

Updates….

Day two of the Master Cleanse.

Yes… I’m doing the Cleanse again.

I need it.

My last post was a rant about gaining weight and being out of control. Of course I recited my handy dandy 4 step plan back to health… but it doesn’t work if I don’t follow it.... so this is my way of taking some control back.

It’s like a little kid that draws all over their bedroom wall even though they get in trouble every time they get caught… finally Mom and Dad take the crayons away as punishment… hoping that the child will learn the lesson and stop drawing on the wall.

Apparently I like to draw a lot.

Anyways…. Master Cleanse isn’t really for weight loss (although that is an awesome perk), it resets my body so that I can learn to listen to it again.

J and I are doing it together… so it’s nice to have someone who feels your (hunger)pain. Nothing like another bonding experiance... <3

I weighted myself on Monday before we started the ease-in process… I weighed in at 212 pounds.

212 POUNDS!
I’m not going to bash myself about it, I’m just going to fix it.

So what happens after the cleanse?

THE GYM.

And

EATING LIKE A SENSABLE HEALTHY HUMAN BEING.

While we are cleansing… I also made a promise to workout 7 of the 10 days, not hardcore working out, just a 30 minute walk… but something to get my body used to moving again.

One thing about the Cleanse… is that you have a lot of free time (and space in your brain) because you aren’t consuming your self/thoughts with food. So in that time J and I both decided that we wanted to work on some things… some things individually and some things as a couple.

Things like, financial planning, affirmative prayer, being creative, career goals and exercise.

Speaking of financial planning, with the weight gain has come some stagnant financial progress…. So over the last few days, I spent some time moving money around and working on a plan to be wealthy and wise. Updates are posted to the right.

The biggest thing I did was transfer $7,100 of my loan debt to credit card #3….I debated for a while, but the 0% interest until March 2012 just sounded too good. Of course there was a 4% transfer fee, but that is still 5.7% less than the interest rate on my loan. (Which is about $400 saved).

I also wrote down a long term Financial Plan:

1. Save $2000 (emergency fund) by 12/30/2010. *just about there!*

2. Be (credit card)debt free by 6/15/2012.

3. Bring 401K up to 6-8%.

4. Save $10,000 by 4/1/2013 (wedding fund... Yes... I said wedding fund).
5. Save $10,000 to add to emergency fund by 4/1/2014.

6. Save $20,000-$40,000 for house down payment by 1/1/2015

7. Start baby fund after house is purchased.

The long term financial planning is a lot of fun. Especially since I have a big secret that I can’t share yet... big secret in terms of $$!

Well, that’s that… cleansing, loosing weight and building wealth. I’m wishing you guys a wonderful weekend. I’ll be back very soon!


xoxo,