Running in circles…

I’m back on the weight loss wagon.

Back with the trainer that I was working out with before.

I lost 14 pounds in my first week. Yes. You read that right, 14 pounds in 1 week.

Today (week 2), I ate… cheetos, bbq chips, 1 mini cheesecake bite, mushroom and eggplant lasagna and chocolate… oh and bbq chicken and potato salad and a bite of peach cobbler.

Probably not going to loose much weight this week… I’m blaming it on PMDD.

That’s all I wanted to say. Please don’t judge me.


xoxo,

Such a Pretty Face…

Yes… this is another Fat blog.

You know, one of those blogs where the writer complains about her weight and other people’s reaction to her ‘thickness’.

I am so sick of people saying I have such a “pretty face”. Do you not understand that I take that as an insult? It’s like saying, your face is pretty, but DAMN the rest of you is fucked up!

Ok, so maybe that is just me projecting, but really people, you can’t possibly think that that is a compliment. Really, I wish people would just stop. Just don’t say anything if that is all you have to say. How about, you look nice today, or, you look beautiful…. Or gosh, you are one stunning lady. Not… hmm, you have such a beautiful face.. then look at the rest of me like, “such a shame.”

Again, I may very well be projecting, but it pissed me off today. As I was lounging at the pool talking about how I wanted to be as small as I was last year… the young lady decided to tell me that I had a beautiful face, great boobs and my arms weren’t fat at all… and oh, and you’re light skinned.

Huh?!

Insert angry “light-skinned” lady here.

I feel angry and sad… and pissed. I know I am a beautiful person, but I’m not happy in my skin right now. As much as I want to lose weight, I’m not trying. And as much as I hate my body, I’m still eating and not working out nearly as much as I need to.

I’m frustrated and angry. Mostly at myself.

Hopefully I’ll come to and get it together soon . I don’t know how much longer I can allow my ass to expand.

Sorry for the angry post… but this is my life.

Maybe it’ll change soon.
 
xoxo,

Friday Weigh-in…

Incredibly shitty week. All around. Pmsing. Bloated. Binged on cookies.

Blah.

I’ve been struggling. The food is the hardest part. There are days I just want to eat and it’s hard to keep the goal in site. It pisses me off that I can’t eat certain things… but then I think is it that serious?? Sometimes it feels like it is. Hopefully, I’ll get out of my funk soon.

On a happier note… I have been working out in the mornings… I did 5 days this week. I’ve only been getting in 45 mins to an hour, but I’ve been trying to push myself during my workouts and I’ve been doing a lot more strength training… hoping that it will boost my metabolism.

Anyways… on to the weigh-in…

0.4 lbs down

At least it wasn’t a gain.

Blah.

xoxo,
 

Friday weigh in... (or fml... or I'm grateful for my beautiful, healthy, functioning body :-/)

You know...

Aunt flo is on the way... but I also ate oreos this week (another post to come on that)

*sign*

0.6 lbs lost

FML!! I'm grateful for my beautiful, healthy, functioning body!

Have a wonderful weekend!

xoxo,
 

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed…

I hate it when I’m in a mood… seems like for no apparent reason, but if I listen long enough I usually figure it out.

So… J and I have been inseparable for the last month or so and yesterday was the first night we sleep apart in a long time. The funny thing is that I have wanted some “me-time” and a break from the constant going and doing, but the moment I’m without her I miss her so I guess I have neglected my “me-time” just a little. With that said, yesterday, J took some “me-time”… I’m happy that she took some time to be in her own space and do her own thing but I’m kind of annoyed with myself because why does it feel like I wait for her to take “me-time” in order for me to get my own “me-time”?

We are definitely still in the honeymoon stage and very much in love… but I guess we are on the verge of suffocating each other. I don’t want to loose myself in this relationship… just like I know she doesn’t. How do I find a happy medium? And why do I “feel some sort of way” because she took some time away from me? I guess it kinda did hurt my feelings a little bit. It’s just so stupid and silly because even though I need time to be alone or with my friends too I don’t want her to wanna be away from me. I guess that’s just my ego at work.

It definitely doesn’t help that Aunt Flo is on her way, so I was extra emotional and teary eyed after getting off the phone with her last night. I guess I felt like there was a disconnect between us… conversation just felt weird… we talked about it, but I think we both weren’t sure why.

We still have a lot to learn about each other… it’s only been 3 months… sometimes I forget that it’s been only this short amount of time. We seem so connected all the time, but we have to find a balance. We were even off sexually a few days ago. She threw a party, trying to make extra income, and when we got home we were just off… I was drunk and she was annoyed and exhausted after planning and playing hostess and it was just bad.

I guess that happens sometimes.

I’m gonna hang out with my long lost bff G tonight (long lost because I’ve been lost in Love Land) and J and I have a date on Saturday night, so hopefully the friend time and the date night will put me/us back in my/our happy space.

There are so many other things going on right now. I really need to blog more. Our lease is up on September 21st, so that means I have to move… again. I’m dreading it. I just don’t wanna do it. The packing up of all the shit and the hauling of all the shit… oh and finding a place to live that I can afford.

I just want to be done with it already.

Wish me luck.

Until next time….