Thursday, May 27, 2010


This is J’s favorite poem… she read it to me a few weeks ago durning one of our late night chatting sessions. I had to look it up because I really enjoyed it… so I thought I would share! :-)


If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man my son!

Rudyard Kipling

Friday, May 21, 2010

Love letter...

On March 22, 2010 you sent me an email on a popular dating website saying that you were interested in my profile and wanted to get to know me better…

…You challenged me to a round of Taboo and literally made me laugh out loud.

Then I looked at your profile and saw that you were not only Buddhist, but a poet with a master’s degree who was looking for a real connection.

We exchanged emails and begin to get to know each other. With each exchange my heart fluttered a little more.

Then on March 29, 2010 you asked me out on our first date…

We went to a cool little restaurant in your neighborhood.

I was so nervous before we met, mostly because I enjoyed the person in the emails sooooo much that I prayed that the woman I was about to meet was just as beautiful and intriguing as the person I had created.

Then I saw you…

You had on plaid sneakers, jeans and a vest…. With your yellow flower earrings on. Your hair was pulled back and your smile radiated across the room when I walked in.

Oh My God, Oh My God is what was going on in my head.

We sat and talked for only an hour, because I had Belly Dance to get to and you had a Poetry Slam.

Right after we left you sent me a text message…

“You are just as beautiful in person and your personality is great. I’ll be in touch”

You made me gush.

I was excited.


That was on a Monday.

On Wednesday I met you at the park right after work… we sat and talked at Willies and I internally tried to figure out what was happening between us.

Later that night I went out with G to the Wednesday night spot… and after running errands for your ‘boo’ you changed clothes and met me at the club.

My jaw dropped when you walked in. You had on those black peep-toe heels and your besties’ yellow cropped jacket.

I think I squeezed G’s hand when I saw you.

We got drinks and we danced and held hands and rubbed and stroked each other through our daze of intoxication.

You kissed me on the cheek that night when you left.

Two days later on Friday night we both went to the Club.

You wore a dress.

And the plaid heels.

*sigh* Baby you are KILLING me.

It was an interesting night because I wanted to be with you all night, but another girl that I had met on the same dating website (and slept with) was there. You knew about her because I had already disclosed that… but it didn’t make it any less awkward.

All that didn’t matter though.

You bought me a drink, held my hand, stared into my eyes and you kissed me.

Our first kiss was in a club. Not ideal, but you still made my knees buckle.

We left the club and I walked with you to your car so that you could give me a ride to mine.

We talked about our intense connection and what that meant and how we were both so confused and thrown, but so excited at the same time.

Then you kissed me.

We made out in your car for a good 5 minutes and at that point I was ready to marry you.

It felt so different with you. You made my heart skip a beat. You were everything that I had repeatedly said that I wanted. Seriously, ask G.

I said I wanted a beautiful, femme girl- not shy with a great personality that could still hold her own.

And here you are. Exactly that and so much more.

Two days later you invited me to the Easter potluck at your friend’s house. You didn’t want to bring your ‘boo’ you guys weren’t speaking anymore… you wanted to bring me. You said to me, “I have felt more for you in this week than I have felt for her in 8 months.”

I hated that you were seeing her, talking to her, even breathing the same air as her. But we had only been dating for a week and I had convinced myself that if we were meant to be we would.

Easter dinner was the day I realized that I was gonna fall for you. You were such a “Gentle(wo)man”…. so sweet, so attentive, so protective…. You were everything and still this beautiful chocolate feminine woman.

We saw each other almost every other day from that point on.

Then on April 10th…. We went to Martini date, and we wound up back at my apartment.

I’m not going to go into details… but you remember that night. That First night. 

After that I subconsciously dropped everything. I knew I wanted to be with you.

I was even set up with a cute girl, a cute girl who is a Cop, who even seemed to be nice. But I wasn’t interested because I knew I had already found my ‘One’.

Over the next 5 weeks you courted me… like old school discovery process, let’s get to know each other courting. You took me out, I took you out, we spent the night together and we talked for hours upon hours.

There wasn’t a day we didn’t speak.

You were all that I talked about in my therapy sessions. I talked about being scared because I had never felt like this before and how so many people said it was too soon to feel this way, but all I could think about is how happy you made me and how all I wanted to do is be with you.

Skip to Miami.

All girl lesbian weekend on the beach. Girls everywhere. Black ones, Brown ones, whites ones, skinny ones, fat ones….. any girl you could imagine and they were all there for the same purpose… to get drunk, party and get in trouble. And you decided that you wanted to be with me.

It was Saturday, May 15th… we were at the beach- cuddled up in a blanket in the sand overlooking some very happy couple’s sunset beach wedding and you asked me to be your girlfriend.


I was fine before you got here. Happy even. I was working on myself and truly enjoying the process of self-discovery. I never thought that I would find someone like you this soon. I mean I’ve always known that you were out there, but you have been here the whole time and the stars finally aligned and the universe brought us together. There are no accidents… we crossed paths when we were both ready and I really look forward to seeing what the future holds.

You make me so happy baby…. I have this feeling that we are going to be together for a long time.


Thursday, May 20, 2010

I made my vision board a while ago and I include some gratitude letters on my board… I thought it would be a good idea to post them here as well… what better way to release my intentions into the universe??

Today I make this promise to myself:

I choose to live my life as a joyful experience. I choose to keep my mind focused on love as the greatest power in my life. I choose to create greater possibilities in my life than I ever imagined before.

I listen to the wisdom of the voice within me, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in my life. I keep my mind and my heart open; Ready to accept joy and success however they appear.

I celebrate these ideas as the truth in my life, now and always.

And so it is!

I am grateful for….
The abundantly loving and fulfilling relationship that I have with my spiritual partner. She is beautiful, kind, caring, supportive, dependable, responsible, faithful, strong, motivated, creative, spiritually enlightened, sexy, amazing, family oriented individual that loves me unconditionally. Our relationship is strong, we have a foundation of trust and genuine love for one another. We balance each other out and our spark is forever ignited. She is affectionate and she finds me to be incredibly sexy as I do her. We are so in Love and we have the most amazing sex. The chemistry between us keeps us forever attracted to one another. We have a beautiful life together. We are financially stable and we take care of one another. When I look in her eyes I am overwhelmed in our love. I can depend on her just as she can depend on me. Our souls grow together and we are forever connected. Our children are healthy and happy and they are raised in love, compassion and tolerance. We are wonderful parents and the support of our families; friends and our children’s father allow them to grow to be beautiful, responsible, truly good people. I am so very grateful for my abundantly satisfying life.

And so it is…

I am grateful for…
My amazingly satisfying career. I love my job and I am financially stable at my $80,000/yr salary. I have no debt and my savings is abundant. I am able to help people through my work and it is also very creative. I am my own boss, and I do not manage any employees. My business is very lucrative and I receive bonuses above and beyond my salary regularly. It is a competitive market and I am at the top of my field. I work hard, but I have a great work life balance. I am able to take vacations regularly and it does not interrupt my business. I feel good at the end of my work day and my work stays at the office. Money is not an issue in my life and I am stress-free. I am so very grateful for my successful, fulfilling and satisfying career.

And so it is…

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Master Cleanse COMPLETE!

I am super excited!! We did it! 10 whole days of a lemonade concoction and worlds of discipline and strength! The boost in energy was the best part… I really felt good through the whole process.

I’m not sure what my total weight loss is yet, I’m going to wait until Monday morning to weigh myself because Aunt Flo is here to visit and I’m all bloated and heavy... and I'm so not trying to see a the same number from the day before! The last time I checked I was down 10 lbs... so I did really well!

I can’t wait to eat solid food again though, seriously! I have a whole week of delicious eats planned. Yum! Don't worry, I won't put the weight back on because I am going to be hitting the gym super hard! I have to reach my goal weight of 165!

Thanks for all the support!

Weight loss tracker...