Sunday, June 26, 2011

Congrats New York...

It's about fucking time.

I still can't for the life of me  understand the big fucking deal.

We separated church and state in this country for a reason... and here you are pushing your religious beliefs on me. Just because I am gay doesn't mean that I shouldn't be able to get married-- you may think it's wrong, but quite honestly I don't give a fuck what you think. And for the record, who the hell are you to say my love isn't as real as yours? Really? Just think about it people, it's asinine and ignorant. Grow up.

Hopefully the rest of the USA will chime in soon. 


Such a Pretty Face…

Yes… this is another Fat blog.

You know, one of those blogs where the writer complains about her weight and other people’s reaction to her ‘thickness’.

I am so sick of people saying I have such a “pretty face”. Do you not understand that I take that as an insult? It’s like saying, your face is pretty, but DAMN the rest of you is fucked up!

Ok, so maybe that is just me projecting, but really people, you can’t possibly think that that is a compliment. Really, I wish people would just stop. Just don’t say anything if that is all you have to say. How about, you look nice today, or, you look beautiful…. Or gosh, you are one stunning lady. Not… hmm, you have such a beautiful face.. then look at the rest of me like, “such a shame.”

Again, I may very well be projecting, but it pissed me off today. As I was lounging at the pool talking about how I wanted to be as small as I was last year… the young lady decided to tell me that I had a beautiful face, great boobs and my arms weren’t fat at all… and oh, and you’re light skinned.


Insert angry “light-skinned” lady here.

I feel angry and sad… and pissed. I know I am a beautiful person, but I’m not happy in my skin right now. As much as I want to lose weight, I’m not trying. And as much as I hate my body, I’m still eating and not working out nearly as much as I need to.

I’m frustrated and angry. Mostly at myself.

Hopefully I’ll come to and get it together soon . I don’t know how much longer I can allow my ass to expand.

Sorry for the angry post… but this is my life.

Maybe it’ll change soon.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Another year older, another year wiser?

Happy 29th birthday to me!

I’m going to have to change my name soon, “Getting Close to 30” will need to be “Getting really, really close to 30”... lol

It wound up being an amazing birthday… but it started out a little rocky.

J and I were the first ones at my roof top party and we sat and sat waiting for people to show up for a good hour before anyone got there. I felt like Carrie in the season 4 opener, “The Agony and the ‘Ex’-tasy” where Carrie is sits at the restaurant alone on her 35th birthday waiting for her friends that never show up.
“The longer I sat a that table the more alone I felt and it really hit me, I’m 35 and alone”
It was depressing and made me feel like I don’t have any friends. Which is ridiculous and of course it is different because I was with my soulmate, so I wasn’t alone… but it still hurt that no one was there. I was really, really upset… like tears upset. Part of me was angry at J… I guess I wanted to blame her for not making sure people were there ahead of time, but the reality is it’s not her fault people were 2-3 hours late. Part of me wonders if I made the mistake of alienating myself in this relationship. Have I shunned my friends? Is that why they weren’t there? Am I a bad friend?

So maybe I’ll try to reach out a little more because I don’t wanna be that girl….you know the girl that is only friends with her partner and her friends. I honestly don't think I am that girl now... but just to be certain, it may be time to schedule a girls night.

Someone said to me (when I was furiously texting on the roof top complaining) that I should be happy because I have what most people want… a diamond ring and a woman that loves me. :-) Very True.

Anyways… the birthday celebration did get better, I got some very, very delicious cupcakes and J got me tickets to see Rihanna for her LOUD tour…. Yaaaaay!! :-)

The days following I sizzled in the sun with friends, drank entirely too much liquor and spent 13 hours glued in front of the television. Yes, I said 13 hours. In the end everything turned out great.

So another birthday has come and gone and I am excited about where 29 will take me.


Friday, June 10, 2011

A few things…

Ok, so after that heavy, dark, depressing post I left a few weeks ago about being a food addict I feel like I need to do something to lighten the mood a little in this wonderful place that I come to dump my feelings, so here’s a little something that made me smile….

Note from J reads: Thanks for always creating a wonderful healthy home for us. You light up my life. <3 Me

I know you guys get tired of me gushing about J…. but she really lights up my life. :-)

In other news…

I finally started my food blog, but I’m using my real name there sooooooo, I won’t be posting any of that here. I really enjoying being anonymous and I’d like to keep it that way… it allows me to be free! So between the new blog and job searching… I feel like I never have enough time to do anything! Job searching is so freaking time consuming!

Oh and a very cute blog that I just started following OH HAPPY DAY is giving away a trip to PARIS for 2! Airfare and Hotel included. Get your name in ASAP! Click this link to find out how to enter...

Going to keep it short and sweet today, hope you all have an amazing weekend! I'll be back soon!


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