I’m not an Army brat anymore…

One thing I remember vividly from my childhood is saying goodbye to friends. It was just one of the ‘perks’ of being an Army kid. Every 2 to 3 years, my best friend was pcsing and saying goodbye. I can remember back to my 1st best friend… Jenn, I think I was 6 or 7 and I remember crying so hard when she left. You would think I’d get used to it and toughen up, but it never got any easier.

Fast forward to age 28… I’ve been living in the states for 12 years and I haven’t really had to say goodbye to a best friend since then. Well, until last week.

G left for the Peace Corps 6 days ago. I can’t even begin to explain the clusterfuck of emotions… I’m sooooooo very proud of her, I miss her, I’m nervous and anxious with her, I’m excited for her… but mostly I just miss having my bff near by. She is an amazing woman and most people don’t have the balls to do what she is doing, so I’m grateful that she gets to have this experience… she will be forever changed for it.

We did get to spend her last night here together… although we spent 99% of the time packing, cleaning, panicking, packing, packing and packing. Lol…. And I got to take her to the airport… although that may have been a mistake especially since I only got 45 minutes of sleep and she got none. Sleepiness seems to heighten emotions; because we were both a mess, tears, hugs and more tears… it was so hard to leave her at the airport. I guess I’m kind of a mother hen after all.

I’m not saying goodbye though… it’s just “See you later”… and she will absolutely be seeing me in the Caribbean… I don’t need much of an excuse to go to the beach!

Love you G! :-)

xoxo,
 

How things change….

This morning I woke up startled, sad and on the verge of tears for reasons unbeknownst to me. Ok, I’m sure it didn’t help that I woke up late because my stupid Blackberry is on the fritz again, but it was more than that.

I’m not really sure how to explain it… maybe Aunt Flo is on the way and that is contributing to these feelings. I just feel overwhelmed.

Maybe I should give you a little update since I haven’t written in months...
First…

N and I are so over we need a new word for over.

I still love her and this entire situation hurts my hurt, but I can’t go back- I can’t go back for sake of my own happiness, wellbeing and sanity. I just need more than what she can give. That doesn’t discount our relationship or make her a horrible person…. It just makes it over.

Second….

Apparently I was a caged animal that has just been let free. I have been partying like no one’s business! It is fun and liberating…. But I think I just realized that I really am using it as a façade to mask my hurt and pain. In the mist of this neurotic behavior I have managed to develop a crush on one of the least ideal women in this city! G says you can’t help who you like… I guess she is right, but I am still trying to figure out my motives. More about that later…


Third…

I am still seeing my therapist and she is really helping me to become aware of my patterns…. However, now I am trying to figure out what the hell to do now that I am aware AND how to shift my patterns to something/someone that is better for me.


So I’m sad and I’m hurt… but I know that I will be ok. I mean I REALLY, REALLY know that I will be ok (so don’t freak out Mom… I know you are reading this!) ..I’m excited and anxious to see what is going to happen next in my life, but I also know that there will be more mornings that I will wake up sad… and it’s ok, it’s a part of life and I can literally feel myself turning into a different person.

Happy New Year everyone! :)

Operation sweat my hair out is now complete….

Yep, I went running on Saturday (ran a mile, walked 1½ miles). Then on Sunday I walked 2 miles (and got caught in torrential downpour and was soaked- further messing up my hair.)

This morning I got up a little early and did my 30 day shred DVD with Jillian Michaels. It is only a 20 minute workout- but it is pretty intense!

I wish I could report a fun and crazy weekend, but I spent most of the time fighting with my girlfriend. And I don’t really want to talk about, because I’m not sure what to say yet.

Oh wait- that’s a lie! I went to dinner with the Angels on Friday night- how could I forget! I got to se B and her little pregnant self. So freaking adorable! We chit-chatted for hours oohhing and ahhhhing over all the baby details (and of course mucho belly rubbing!).

That was the highlight of the weekend… it just went down from there.

I spent a lot of time blog surfing over the last few days, and I have found some very, very cool fashionistas blogging about everything from their careers to fashion and make-up to shoe collections and love and many other things. It kinda made me feel a little envious.

I’m absolutely in awe that there are real life Sex and the City characters that live their life like I’ve seen in movies. I’m talking bicoastal living, destination weddings, AMAZING collections of shoes, clothes, make-up and jewelry, one of a kind pets, restaurant hopping, car services… the whole nine.

The shoe wardrobes are what really got to me. We are talking hot, HOT designer shoes that I have never so much as even tried on.

These ladies really have it going on and it really makes me what to be there as well.

One day I want to be blogging about living in NYC in my awesome Chelsea apartment, with my fabulous shoe collection, amazing career, flawless body, perfectly manicured nails, loving girlfriend, amazing friends and family that visit all the time- and loving every second of it.

Until then, I’ll just have to blog about what I want…

Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy with my life- flaws and all (most of the time) but a girl can’t help but dream.

Just a few things that I lust over....

Anyways, I am going to try to not wallow in self-pity and have a productive day at work. I'll dream about Prada, Valentino and Christian Louboutin- OH MY. (yes I am chanting from the wizard of oz- so what!)

I’ll be heading to the gym tonight to take out some of my frustration.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone.

Michael Jackson's music was the soundtrack to my generation...

I just wanted to pay my respects to the King of Pop...

May you rest in peace.

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