Friday, July 23, 2010

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed…

I hate it when I’m in a mood… seems like for no apparent reason, but if I listen long enough I usually figure it out.

So… J and I have been inseparable for the last month or so and yesterday was the first night we sleep apart in a long time. The funny thing is that I have wanted some “me-time” and a break from the constant going and doing, but the moment I’m without her I miss her so I guess I have neglected my “me-time” just a little. With that said, yesterday, J took some “me-time”… I’m happy that she took some time to be in her own space and do her own thing but I’m kind of annoyed with myself because why does it feel like I wait for her to take “me-time” in order for me to get my own “me-time”?

We are definitely still in the honeymoon stage and very much in love… but I guess we are on the verge of suffocating each other. I don’t want to loose myself in this relationship… just like I know she doesn’t. How do I find a happy medium? And why do I “feel some sort of way” because she took some time away from me? I guess it kinda did hurt my feelings a little bit. It’s just so stupid and silly because even though I need time to be alone or with my friends too I don’t want her to wanna be away from me. I guess that’s just my ego at work.

It definitely doesn’t help that Aunt Flo is on her way, so I was extra emotional and teary eyed after getting off the phone with her last night. I guess I felt like there was a disconnect between us… conversation just felt weird… we talked about it, but I think we both weren’t sure why.

We still have a lot to learn about each other… it’s only been 3 months… sometimes I forget that it’s been only this short amount of time. We seem so connected all the time, but we have to find a balance. We were even off sexually a few days ago. She threw a party, trying to make extra income, and when we got home we were just off… I was drunk and she was annoyed and exhausted after planning and playing hostess and it was just bad.

I guess that happens sometimes.

I’m gonna hang out with my long lost bff G tonight (long lost because I’ve been lost in Love Land) and J and I have a date on Saturday night, so hopefully the friend time and the date night will put me/us back in my/our happy space.

There are so many other things going on right now. I really need to blog more. Our lease is up on September 21st, so that means I have to move… again. I’m dreading it. I just don’t wanna do it. The packing up of all the shit and the hauling of all the shit… oh and finding a place to live that I can afford.

I just want to be done with it already.

Wish me luck.

Until next time….

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