Something to look forward to

I’m sleepy today, and I am fighting the urge to snack. I’m not even hungry, but always around this time (its 4pm) I get the munchies! So I’m not going to give in AND I’m going to go to Cardio Kickboxing tonight. How you like that! Anyways, I have been spending most of my day doing research for our Europe trip next summer. I am so freaking excited about it. I have always wanted to go to Greece, and I am finally going! Here is the plan… we will leave fly to Frankfurt first spend a few days with my family and get over the jet-lag. (It will be close to my birthday too, so that will be nice.) Then we will take the train to Paris and stay there for 2-3 days. From there we will fly to Rome, spend 2-3 days in Rome and after that possible travel to another city in Italy (maybe Venice or Milan or Tuscany) we would only spend 1 night there and then fly to Athens. Spend 1-2 nights in Athens take in all the major sites, and then travel to some fabulous Greek Island, maybe Mykonos or Santorini… or even Lesbos. (how funny is it that there is an island named Lesbos!) We will be traveling for about 18 days… it is going to be so awesome. It is over a year away, but I am just extatic!

Friday's word of the day

Ha! I remembered to write today. Consistency is the word of the day ladies and gents! I keep looking at the clock because I am so ready to go… it’s 2:37pm. I’m not going to the gym today…. I am going to the mall instead. That could be why I am ready to go! I am treating myself today, getting my eyebrows done and hopefully buying a coat. Well, not really a coat… more like a short trench or something similar to that. I have been wearing my jean jacket to work everyday for the past couple of weeks… and well, it’s not always appropriate! I need something thinner than my winter coat and something dresser more business like than my f’n jean jacket! So that is my mission today. Oh, and the grocery store. I got paid on Thursday… so the money is burning a whole in my pocket. Don’t worry; I know what my budget is! It’s not very much, but I can work with it. I haven’t used my credit cards in about 45 days now….. Wooooo Hoooooo. Seriously, it’s like, “Hello, My name is [Getting Close to 30] and I’m a credit-card-aholic.” Good news is I am seeing results, about $2500 paid off since the beginning of the year! Anyways… my Dad called me yesterday. I guess I haven’t “went there” yet in this journal. Apparently, it’s a go with his business. Someone agreed to give him more money to give his business another whirl. Club promotion more or less… it actually doesn’t sound like a bad plan, but damn there has been a lot chaos and mayhem on the way. I have a very “interesting” (for lack of a better word) relationship with my Dad. Don’t get me wrong, I love him very, very much. But you know that family member that can never seem to get there shit together? That’s my Dad. He actually asked if he could put up the title to my car for collateral. WTF?! (Please don’t hate me Dad if you ever read this) I lied and said my car still isn’t paid off, so I don’t have the title and it can’t be put up as an asset. Truth is, good old Nelly has been paid off since about May of last year. I paid her off a year early and I think I even mentioned it to him in passing at one point or another… hopefully he forgot about that. It’s not that I don’t want to help, it’s just that I don’t want to be taken out as “collateral damage” if the shit hits the fan. I know I should be supportive and do everything that I can, but this is the same man that asked if I would take out a $100,000 line of credit to “help” him out (WTF!?). I can only afford to be emotionally supportive at this point in my life. It’s just draining. He’s a good man, and a good dad… but it’s just draining.

Consistency on the weight loss wagon

Apparently consistency is something I have a problem with- it’s been a month since I last wrote… and I’m back on the weight loss wagon. Again. I’m not even going to try to recap what happened in the last month that I didn’t write… I barley remember what I ate yesterday! So on to the Present! I am writing this as I eat plain lightly salted rice cakes… yum! 2pm-5pm is the toughest time to get through!! That is when the cravings start… and let’s be real, who wants to munch on carrots… or rice cakes for that matter! It’s all about a lifestyle change…. Don’t gorge yourself. Small portions, and be active. One thing that I have noticed is that I am not tired all the time. Don’t get me wrong. I HATE getting up in the morning, but once I’m up I’m okay. One thing that I have noticed it that I have been having a lot of “Ah-Ha” moments lately; okay, maybe it’s the same one; I just have it everyday at the gym….hahahaha! Seriously, I have to force myself to go to the gym, I usually don’t want to, I usually want to go eat something that my fat ass doesn’t need… but somehow I make it to the gym! I usually start slow, and kind of dragging, but then I get this burst of energy and the epiphany comes… I CAN DO THIS! I can totally fucking do this! I can lose weight and feel great, and look FABULOUS in a bikini! That epiphany gets me through a 45min (sometimes an hour) workout and I leave feeling great and I go home and I eat something reasonable and healthy. Go figure! That is until the next day and the same cycle begins again. As long as I can continue to have this cycle, I might actually do this! I was reading an article in Redbook yesterday about a woman in her 40’s or 50’s (I can’t remember) who was successful in every aspect of her life, except losing weight. Every goal she had set for herself she was able to attain it someway or another, but for whatever reason, she could not lose the weight. That made me have another “Ah-Ha” moment! I am successful in every other aspect of my life (for the most part), I mean, I’m 26 I like my job (most of the time) I made $55,000 last year, I’ve been with my girlfriend for 4 ½ years, I’m planning a huge trip to places that I have always wanted to go, I’m getting out of debt- I have a plan and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel….. so WHY? Why can’t I lose 50 measly pounds?? I can, I know I can… but what’s the hold up, why am I having such a hard time? That is the question of the decade.

Hanging off the wagon. Again.

50 pounds is looking very far away. Maybe I need another plan? So yesterday after work I went to the gym and worked out for 45 minutes… great! Right? Then I went home hungry, I ate a cheese quesadilla, the rest of the crab dip with chips, 3 mini snickers ice cream bas, a handful of Edy’s ice cream bites AND 3 smurfs. WHAT THE FUCK. I have no self control. So we are going to try again… baby portions are okay, I don’t have to eat everything. Maybe I need to repeat that to myself a couple hundred times a day? Whatever. So anyways… today; Today, I’m feeling okay I guess. A little sleepy but in good spirits for the most part. It’s only 11am though… so I will let you know later.

Random babbling

I snoozed at least 3 times morning…. So tired! Anyways, when I looked in the mirror this morning, it kinda looked like the dark circles under my eyes were going away a little bit, it’s not quite as dark. But I am just tired today… I don’t know where my high went that I had at the beginning of the week. I got paid today… I so want to go shopping. But, #1 I need to buy a birthday present for both my Mom and Sister, so I can mail it at once, and #2 I don’t want to buy anymore fat girl clothes! I am going to plan my reward now, when I lose 50 pounds, I am going to allow myself $500 on 1 big ticket item ( or may 2 or 3 medium ticket items?). So I need to get serious… I could buy a pair of Manolo’s, or a purse, or I could have a spa day… possibilities are endless!

Put down the burger...

I ate McDonalds for lunch today. Double cheese burger. Large fries. 6 piece nugget. Eegghhh, I should be ashamed! And the worst part is, it wasn’t even that good. I was craving it big time, and I couldn’t control the urge. However, I did something positive to counteract my binge… I joined a website called sparkpeople.com. Kind of like a free weight watchers. Speaking of, I need to buy a tape measure so that I can record my measurements. Anyways, I did drag myself to the gym after work; I did 15 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical. As tired as I was, MB birthday is tomorrow and they are going to [a fun place that I'm not going to name] tonight, so of course I had to join! Here is the text that I received from RS regarding tonight, “Hey! Come to [A fun place that I’n not going to name] to join in celebrating MB (-1 til 30) birf-dey! Tonight. 8pm. Wear pink. It’ll be a gay invasion!!” So I have to find something pink to wear! So, I went home, showered, put my make up on (I used my new concealer for the dark circle around my eyes… and I think it worked!). I wound up wearing this salmon colored (it’s in the pink family!) shirt that I don’t really like and have never even worn before… whatever, it was pink! We had a great time and CS even got me a light up purple pen with his winnings! And they had cake, chocolate cake…. FUCK, so much for going to the gym!

My quarterlife crisis...

There is no point in being pissy and angry and depressed for no good reason, life is too short! At least that is what I tell myself! And today is a good day, so I actually believe it! I don’t know what happened, but I feel happy about life again. Well, I think I do know what happened. I was taking those awful fucking birth control pills…Yaz. The whole point of that particular pill was to help with PMDD… aka, bitchyness, irritableness and all the other lovely things that Aunt Flo brings along with her. Apparently it had the reverse effect on me. Everything was multiplied! I was a bitch (more than normal), and sad… just a fucking mess! I’m not going to dwell on the past though, because today I am HAPPY!

New to the Blogging world...

I have been keeping a journal, just a word document, nothing special… but I decided that I should post it. Put it out there for the whole world to see. So here it is… enjoy!

About me…

I am a 27 year old bi-racial Sex and the city loving lesbian. I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 ½ years. She is patient, kind and caring; nothing at all like me. I love her soooo much! We fight (ok, I yell and she gets mad at me for yelling) and she gets on my nerves from time to time but at the end of the day she is still the love of my life! My family means the world to me. I seriously have the most loving supportive family that any girl could ever ask for. When I came out of the closest almost 5 years ago, my Mom looked at me and said, “what the hell took you so long to tell me?!” And my father, who I came out to over beers at a local bar said, “I don’t care, I just want you to be happy.” I am most definitely one of the lucky ones!

I’m outgoing and loud, and sometimes a little bit too much.
I love my friends! They are all really special to me.
I love chick-lit.
I am OBSESSED with Sex and the City.
I’m anally organized about really random stuff.
I’m a Gemini, and I fall in the category “jack of all trades master of none”.
I love to travel.
I love chocolate.
I love music... you should see me singing my car!
I secretly want to be a Rockstar.
I love makeup.
I love getting dressed up.
I’m a girly-girl. I’d rather watch gymnastics or What not to Wear.
I hate my big boobs. I want a breast reduction, but I’m a little scared of the “surgery” part.
I love shoes. I really, really love heels. Pumps, peep-toes, sling-backs, platforms, wedges, you name, I love it.
I love Greek food, but I love German food more.
I love sitting outside at a nice café, taking in the sun and chit-chatting with friends.
I love to cook and I am a bit of a food snob.
I hope to open a restaurant in the near future.
I believe in human rights.
I think everybody deserves the right to pursue THEIR happiness.
I think Prop. 8 is stupid.
I think organized religion is a little scary.
I do believe in God, but I don’t believe in shoving your religion down someone else’s throat.
I DO NOT believe that I homosexuality is a sin, and we are definitely not going to burn in hell.
I believe that God loves me for exactly who I am.
I hate when people talk down about things that they don’t know anything about.
I’m über-liberal.
I believe in Karma.
I believe in the Law of Attraction… Oprah knows what she is talking about.
I want to adopt kids. Older kids.
I want to make a difference in somebody’s life.
I don’t really have a favorite color. I just love color in general. Red, teal, pink, purple, kelly green…
I ♥ NYC. My goal is to live there by my 30th birthday.
I love flowers.
I have major hay fever. I sneeze all spring long.
I think I was a hippie in a former life.
I might be addicted to blogging.
I could keep going on and on and continue this list, but I think I’ll stop here!