Sooooo, after 1 year and 5 months, 104 posts, numerous comments, a blog award, lots of complaining, giggling, bragging, sadness and budgeting, I have finally decided to add a DONATE button to my blog.
Yep, I’m finally that desperate.
It can’t hurt right?
I need money, moolah, dinero, cash, cheddar, bread… whatever you wanna call it. If you can donate .50 cents or $100 dollars, I need it. My budget is getting tighter and tighter, but my debt doesn’t seem to be going down AT ALL.
I’m trying to be creative and find another way to produce some additional funds- I have got to get these credit cards paid off. I am truly just like Karyn in “SAVE KARYN” (which is an awesome book by the way- check out the link)…. $20,000+ in debt at 28 years old- I can’t really enjoy my life because I’m stressed about my money.
I refuse to live this way forever.
So why should you donate your hard earned money to me?
Well, you read my funny, witty, charming blog for entertainment (I hope) and let’s face it… I NEED HELP!
I get it, we could all use a little assistance, but if you are willing and able- I (and American Express and VISA) would greatly appreciate it.
In the meantime…. I am going to sell my fat girl clothes, apply for part-time work as a server (instant cash), start working on my book, and start playing the lottery (can you hear the sarcasm? I’m keeping my fingers crossed anyways)….
Thanks in advance for your help!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Randomness...
I know I haven’t written in a while…. I’m sorry. I guess I’ve kinda had writers block a little. I actually do have some things to talk about, but this is gonna just be a random post…. Randomly about Sex and the City. :-)
Sooooo…I’m at work putting my menu books together and watching old Sex and the City episodes online. (Yes, I am watching TV at work… so what?!) I’m watching the episode where Carrie meets Petrovsky for the first time at the art gallery.
They meet briefly and Carrie is kinda turned off by him… she makes a little joke about the art installation and he says:
“You are comedian, No?”
They don’t talk anymore at the gallery, but Petrovsky somehow tracks down her phone number and calls her. She hangs up on him twice thinking he’s got the wrong number and finally she’s like, “I can’t understand you, sir” –lol… and he says:
“This is Alexander Petrovsky for Carrie Bradshaw.”
Her reaction is soooooo funny because I have soooo done this before.
She goes- “Oh, hold on, let me get her for you”
Obviously no one else is there… she just feels like a douche and she has this look on her face, a look of pure embarrassment- you know the scrunched up face and slap to the forehead? After her little pause, she picks up the phone and pretends that her ‘sister’ answered the phone initially. I LOVE it… so very funny
This episode is also the episode where Charlotte finds out that she and Harry are pregnant. There is a scene where the girls are all sitting in the coffee shop and Charlotte tells them the good news and it made me soooooo think about my friends and the girls nights we used to have. Me, M, G and B. We would sit around and talk and giggle…. And I remember when we found out that B was preggers- it was totally the same scene.
I love those precious memories. No matter how far we come or how far apart we grow, we still have those memories and sometimes SATC triggers them and it puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day. :-)
Sooooo…I’m at work putting my menu books together and watching old Sex and the City episodes online. (Yes, I am watching TV at work… so what?!) I’m watching the episode where Carrie meets Petrovsky for the first time at the art gallery.
They meet briefly and Carrie is kinda turned off by him… she makes a little joke about the art installation and he says:
“You are comedian, No?”
They don’t talk anymore at the gallery, but Petrovsky somehow tracks down her phone number and calls her. She hangs up on him twice thinking he’s got the wrong number and finally she’s like, “I can’t understand you, sir” –lol… and he says:
“This is Alexander Petrovsky for Carrie Bradshaw.”
Her reaction is soooooo funny because I have soooo done this before.
She goes- “Oh, hold on, let me get her for you”
Obviously no one else is there… she just feels like a douche and she has this look on her face, a look of pure embarrassment- you know the scrunched up face and slap to the forehead? After her little pause, she picks up the phone and pretends that her ‘sister’ answered the phone initially. I LOVE it… so very funny
This episode is also the episode where Charlotte finds out that she and Harry are pregnant. There is a scene where the girls are all sitting in the coffee shop and Charlotte tells them the good news and it made me soooooo think about my friends and the girls nights we used to have. Me, M, G and B. We would sit around and talk and giggle…. And I remember when we found out that B was preggers- it was totally the same scene.
I love those precious memories. No matter how far we come or how far apart we grow, we still have those memories and sometimes SATC triggers them and it puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day. :-)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
If...
This is J’s favorite poem… she read it to me a few weeks ago durning one of our late night chatting sessions. I had to look it up because I really enjoyed it… so I thought I would share! :-)
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man my son!
—Rudyard Kipling
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man my son!
—Rudyard Kipling
Friday, May 21, 2010
Love letter...
On March 22, 2010 you sent me an email on a popular dating website saying that you were interested in my profile and wanted to get to know me better…
…You challenged me to a round of Taboo and literally made me laugh out loud.
Then I looked at your profile and saw that you were not only Buddhist, but a poet with a master’s degree who was looking for a real connection.
We exchanged emails and begin to get to know each other. With each exchange my heart fluttered a little more.
Then on March 29, 2010 you asked me out on our first date…
We went to a cool little restaurant in your neighborhood.
I was so nervous before we met, mostly because I enjoyed the person in the emails sooooo much that I prayed that the woman I was about to meet was just as beautiful and intriguing as the person I had created.
Then I saw you…
You had on plaid sneakers, jeans and a vest…. With your yellow flower earrings on. Your hair was pulled back and your smile radiated across the room when I walked in.
Oh My God, Oh My God is what was going on in my head.
We sat and talked for only an hour, because I had Belly Dance to get to and you had a Poetry Slam.
Right after we left you sent me a text message…
“You are just as beautiful in person and your personality is great. I’ll be in touch”
You made me gush.
I was excited.
Butterflies.
That was on a Monday.
On Wednesday I met you at the park right after work… we sat and talked at Willies and I internally tried to figure out what was happening between us.
Later that night I went out with G to the Wednesday night spot… and after running errands for your ‘boo’ you changed clothes and met me at the club.
My jaw dropped when you walked in. You had on those black peep-toe heels and your besties’ yellow cropped jacket.
I think I squeezed G’s hand when I saw you.
We got drinks and we danced and held hands and rubbed and stroked each other through our daze of intoxication.
You kissed me on the cheek that night when you left.
Two days later on Friday night we both went to the Club.
You wore a dress.
And the plaid heels.
*sigh* Baby you are KILLING me.
It was an interesting night because I wanted to be with you all night, but another girl that I had met on the same dating website (and slept with) was there. You knew about her because I had already disclosed that… but it didn’t make it any less awkward.
All that didn’t matter though.
You bought me a drink, held my hand, stared into my eyes and you kissed me.
Our first kiss was in a club. Not ideal, but you still made my knees buckle.
We left the club and I walked with you to your car so that you could give me a ride to mine.
We talked about our intense connection and what that meant and how we were both so confused and thrown, but so excited at the same time.
Then you kissed me.
We made out in your car for a good 5 minutes and at that point I was ready to marry you.
It felt so different with you. You made my heart skip a beat. You were everything that I had repeatedly said that I wanted. Seriously, ask G.
I said I wanted a beautiful, femme girl- not shy with a great personality that could still hold her own.
And here you are. Exactly that and so much more.
Two days later you invited me to the Easter potluck at your friend’s house. You didn’t want to bring your ‘boo’ you guys weren’t speaking anymore… you wanted to bring me. You said to me, “I have felt more for you in this week than I have felt for her in 8 months.”
I hated that you were seeing her, talking to her, even breathing the same air as her. But we had only been dating for a week and I had convinced myself that if we were meant to be we would.
Easter dinner was the day I realized that I was gonna fall for you. You were such a “Gentle(wo)man”…. so sweet, so attentive, so protective…. You were everything and still this beautiful chocolate feminine woman.
We saw each other almost every other day from that point on.
Then on April 10th…. We went to Martini date, and we wound up back at my apartment.
I’m not going to go into details… but you remember that night. That First night.
After that I subconsciously dropped everything. I knew I wanted to be with you.
I was even set up with a cute girl, a cute girl who is a Cop, who even seemed to be nice. But I wasn’t interested because I knew I had already found my ‘One’.
Over the next 5 weeks you courted me… like old school discovery process, let’s get to know each other courting. You took me out, I took you out, we spent the night together and we talked for hours upon hours.
There wasn’t a day we didn’t speak.
You were all that I talked about in my therapy sessions. I talked about being scared because I had never felt like this before and how so many people said it was too soon to feel this way, but all I could think about is how happy you made me and how all I wanted to do is be with you.
Skip to Miami.
All girl lesbian weekend on the beach. Girls everywhere. Black ones, Brown ones, whites ones, skinny ones, fat ones….. any girl you could imagine and they were all there for the same purpose… to get drunk, party and get in trouble. And you decided that you wanted to be with me.
It was Saturday, May 15th… we were at the beach- cuddled up in a blanket in the sand overlooking some very happy couple’s sunset beach wedding and you asked me to be your girlfriend.
Me.
<3
I was fine before you got here. Happy even. I was working on myself and truly enjoying the process of self-discovery. I never thought that I would find someone like you this soon. I mean I’ve always known that you were out there, but you have been here the whole time and the stars finally aligned and the universe brought us together. There are no accidents… we crossed paths when we were both ready and I really look forward to seeing what the future holds.
You make me so happy baby…. I have this feeling that we are going to be together for a long time.
Love,
Me
…You challenged me to a round of Taboo and literally made me laugh out loud.
Then I looked at your profile and saw that you were not only Buddhist, but a poet with a master’s degree who was looking for a real connection.
We exchanged emails and begin to get to know each other. With each exchange my heart fluttered a little more.
Then on March 29, 2010 you asked me out on our first date…
We went to a cool little restaurant in your neighborhood.
I was so nervous before we met, mostly because I enjoyed the person in the emails sooooo much that I prayed that the woman I was about to meet was just as beautiful and intriguing as the person I had created.
Then I saw you…
You had on plaid sneakers, jeans and a vest…. With your yellow flower earrings on. Your hair was pulled back and your smile radiated across the room when I walked in.
Oh My God, Oh My God is what was going on in my head.
We sat and talked for only an hour, because I had Belly Dance to get to and you had a Poetry Slam.
Right after we left you sent me a text message…
“You are just as beautiful in person and your personality is great. I’ll be in touch”
You made me gush.
I was excited.
Butterflies.
That was on a Monday.
On Wednesday I met you at the park right after work… we sat and talked at Willies and I internally tried to figure out what was happening between us.
Later that night I went out with G to the Wednesday night spot… and after running errands for your ‘boo’ you changed clothes and met me at the club.
My jaw dropped when you walked in. You had on those black peep-toe heels and your besties’ yellow cropped jacket.
I think I squeezed G’s hand when I saw you.
We got drinks and we danced and held hands and rubbed and stroked each other through our daze of intoxication.
You kissed me on the cheek that night when you left.
Two days later on Friday night we both went to the Club.
You wore a dress.
And the plaid heels.
*sigh* Baby you are KILLING me.
It was an interesting night because I wanted to be with you all night, but another girl that I had met on the same dating website (and slept with) was there. You knew about her because I had already disclosed that… but it didn’t make it any less awkward.
All that didn’t matter though.
You bought me a drink, held my hand, stared into my eyes and you kissed me.
Our first kiss was in a club. Not ideal, but you still made my knees buckle.
We left the club and I walked with you to your car so that you could give me a ride to mine.
We talked about our intense connection and what that meant and how we were both so confused and thrown, but so excited at the same time.
Then you kissed me.
We made out in your car for a good 5 minutes and at that point I was ready to marry you.
It felt so different with you. You made my heart skip a beat. You were everything that I had repeatedly said that I wanted. Seriously, ask G.
I said I wanted a beautiful, femme girl- not shy with a great personality that could still hold her own.
And here you are. Exactly that and so much more.
Two days later you invited me to the Easter potluck at your friend’s house. You didn’t want to bring your ‘boo’ you guys weren’t speaking anymore… you wanted to bring me. You said to me, “I have felt more for you in this week than I have felt for her in 8 months.”
I hated that you were seeing her, talking to her, even breathing the same air as her. But we had only been dating for a week and I had convinced myself that if we were meant to be we would.
Easter dinner was the day I realized that I was gonna fall for you. You were such a “Gentle(wo)man”…. so sweet, so attentive, so protective…. You were everything and still this beautiful chocolate feminine woman.
We saw each other almost every other day from that point on.
Then on April 10th…. We went to Martini date, and we wound up back at my apartment.
I’m not going to go into details… but you remember that night. That First night.
After that I subconsciously dropped everything. I knew I wanted to be with you.
I was even set up with a cute girl, a cute girl who is a Cop, who even seemed to be nice. But I wasn’t interested because I knew I had already found my ‘One’.
Over the next 5 weeks you courted me… like old school discovery process, let’s get to know each other courting. You took me out, I took you out, we spent the night together and we talked for hours upon hours.
There wasn’t a day we didn’t speak.
You were all that I talked about in my therapy sessions. I talked about being scared because I had never felt like this before and how so many people said it was too soon to feel this way, but all I could think about is how happy you made me and how all I wanted to do is be with you.
Skip to Miami.
All girl lesbian weekend on the beach. Girls everywhere. Black ones, Brown ones, whites ones, skinny ones, fat ones….. any girl you could imagine and they were all there for the same purpose… to get drunk, party and get in trouble. And you decided that you wanted to be with me.
It was Saturday, May 15th… we were at the beach- cuddled up in a blanket in the sand overlooking some very happy couple’s sunset beach wedding and you asked me to be your girlfriend.
Me.
<3
I was fine before you got here. Happy even. I was working on myself and truly enjoying the process of self-discovery. I never thought that I would find someone like you this soon. I mean I’ve always known that you were out there, but you have been here the whole time and the stars finally aligned and the universe brought us together. There are no accidents… we crossed paths when we were both ready and I really look forward to seeing what the future holds.
You make me so happy baby…. I have this feeling that we are going to be together for a long time.
Love,
Me
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I made my vision board a while ago and I include some gratitude letters on my board… I thought it would be a good idea to post them here as well… what better way to release my intentions into the universe??
Today I make this promise to myself:
I choose to live my life as a joyful experience. I choose to keep my mind focused on love as the greatest power in my life. I choose to create greater possibilities in my life than I ever imagined before.
I listen to the wisdom of the voice within me, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in my life. I keep my mind and my heart open; Ready to accept joy and success however they appear.
I celebrate these ideas as the truth in my life, now and always.
And so it is!
I am grateful for….
The abundantly loving and fulfilling relationship that I have with my spiritual partner. She is beautiful, kind, caring, supportive, dependable, responsible, faithful, strong, motivated, creative, spiritually enlightened, sexy, amazing, family oriented individual that loves me unconditionally. Our relationship is strong, we have a foundation of trust and genuine love for one another. We balance each other out and our spark is forever ignited. She is affectionate and she finds me to be incredibly sexy as I do her. We are so in Love and we have the most amazing sex. The chemistry between us keeps us forever attracted to one another. We have a beautiful life together. We are financially stable and we take care of one another. When I look in her eyes I am overwhelmed in our love. I can depend on her just as she can depend on me. Our souls grow together and we are forever connected. Our children are healthy and happy and they are raised in love, compassion and tolerance. We are wonderful parents and the support of our families; friends and our children’s father allow them to grow to be beautiful, responsible, truly good people. I am so very grateful for my abundantly satisfying life.
And so it is…
I am grateful for…
My amazingly satisfying career. I love my job and I am financially stable at my $80,000/yr salary. I have no debt and my savings is abundant. I am able to help people through my work and it is also very creative. I am my own boss, and I do not manage any employees. My business is very lucrative and I receive bonuses above and beyond my salary regularly. It is a competitive market and I am at the top of my field. I work hard, but I have a great work life balance. I am able to take vacations regularly and it does not interrupt my business. I feel good at the end of my work day and my work stays at the office. Money is not an issue in my life and I am stress-free. I am so very grateful for my successful, fulfilling and satisfying career.
And so it is…
Today I make this promise to myself:
I choose to live my life as a joyful experience. I choose to keep my mind focused on love as the greatest power in my life. I choose to create greater possibilities in my life than I ever imagined before.
I listen to the wisdom of the voice within me, knowing it is Divine Intelligence at work in my life. I keep my mind and my heart open; Ready to accept joy and success however they appear.
I celebrate these ideas as the truth in my life, now and always.
And so it is!
I am grateful for….
The abundantly loving and fulfilling relationship that I have with my spiritual partner. She is beautiful, kind, caring, supportive, dependable, responsible, faithful, strong, motivated, creative, spiritually enlightened, sexy, amazing, family oriented individual that loves me unconditionally. Our relationship is strong, we have a foundation of trust and genuine love for one another. We balance each other out and our spark is forever ignited. She is affectionate and she finds me to be incredibly sexy as I do her. We are so in Love and we have the most amazing sex. The chemistry between us keeps us forever attracted to one another. We have a beautiful life together. We are financially stable and we take care of one another. When I look in her eyes I am overwhelmed in our love. I can depend on her just as she can depend on me. Our souls grow together and we are forever connected. Our children are healthy and happy and they are raised in love, compassion and tolerance. We are wonderful parents and the support of our families; friends and our children’s father allow them to grow to be beautiful, responsible, truly good people. I am so very grateful for my abundantly satisfying life.
And so it is…
I am grateful for…
My amazingly satisfying career. I love my job and I am financially stable at my $80,000/yr salary. I have no debt and my savings is abundant. I am able to help people through my work and it is also very creative. I am my own boss, and I do not manage any employees. My business is very lucrative and I receive bonuses above and beyond my salary regularly. It is a competitive market and I am at the top of my field. I work hard, but I have a great work life balance. I am able to take vacations regularly and it does not interrupt my business. I feel good at the end of my work day and my work stays at the office. Money is not an issue in my life and I am stress-free. I am so very grateful for my successful, fulfilling and satisfying career.
And so it is…
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Master Cleanse COMPLETE!
I am super excited!! We did it! 10 whole days of a lemonade concoction and worlds of discipline and strength! The boost in energy was the best part… I really felt good through the whole process.
I’m not sure what my total weight loss is yet, I’m going to wait until Monday morning to weigh myself because Aunt Flo is here to visit and I’m all bloated and heavy... and I'm so not trying to see a the same number from the day before! The last time I checked I was down 10 lbs... so I did really well!
I can’t wait to eat solid food again though, seriously! I have a whole week of delicious eats planned. Yum! Don't worry, I won't put the weight back on because I am going to be hitting the gym super hard! I have to reach my goal weight of 165!
Thanks for all the support!
I’m not sure what my total weight loss is yet, I’m going to wait until Monday morning to weigh myself because Aunt Flo is here to visit and I’m all bloated and heavy... and I'm so not trying to see a the same number from the day before! The last time I checked I was down 10 lbs... so I did really well!
I can’t wait to eat solid food again though, seriously! I have a whole week of delicious eats planned. Yum! Don't worry, I won't put the weight back on because I am going to be hitting the gym super hard! I have to reach my goal weight of 165!
Thanks for all the support!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Master Cleanse Day 6…
I can’t believe that I’m already on day 6! I really didn’t think I would make it this long. I mean… no food, like ZERO food, for 10 days sounds insane… but I’m already more than half way done! Day 2 was the hardest day, I was tired and moody and hungry and just over it. By day 3 things were looking up big time. I had a burst of energy and this journey didn’t sound so insane anymore.
I have this ridiculous burst of energy, I feel so light and clear and open. It’s an amazing feeling. It really makes me rethink how I eat, because if it’s the food that drains my energy and makes me feel foggy, why would I want to continue to do that to myself?
It’s amazing how EVERYTHING revolves around food. When you aren’t eating it leaves space in your life for so many other things. Of course it’s difficult sometimes because other people are eating around me, but this is the choice that I made and I am going to see it through. It makes me incredibly proud of myself and just reaffirms how strong I really am.
I feel healthy and happy and very extremely grateful for being at this place in my life. I have asked for so many things and once I finally uncovered these layers of myself I seem to have found what I was looking for. Nothing in life is perfect, but my outlook and my intentions have shifted and I have managed to attract exactly what I needed in this moment.
oh... and I'm at 169.4 lbs :)
I have this ridiculous burst of energy, I feel so light and clear and open. It’s an amazing feeling. It really makes me rethink how I eat, because if it’s the food that drains my energy and makes me feel foggy, why would I want to continue to do that to myself?
It’s amazing how EVERYTHING revolves around food. When you aren’t eating it leaves space in your life for so many other things. Of course it’s difficult sometimes because other people are eating around me, but this is the choice that I made and I am going to see it through. It makes me incredibly proud of myself and just reaffirms how strong I really am.
I feel healthy and happy and very extremely grateful for being at this place in my life. I have asked for so many things and once I finally uncovered these layers of myself I seem to have found what I was looking for. Nothing in life is perfect, but my outlook and my intentions have shifted and I have managed to attract exactly what I needed in this moment.
oh... and I'm at 169.4 lbs :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Master Cleanse Day 1&2….
Soooo… G and I are doing the Master Cleanse… the goal is to complete 10 days.
We’re on day 2.
Yesterday went well… I’m definitely more hungry today than I was yesterday, but I also had a distraction yesterday (*wink* more to come on that).
First of all I’m ecstatic with my weight right now …. I haven’t posted anything about it but when I weighed myself this morning I was at 174 lbs…. if you remember from the last time I posted about my weight I was 196.8 … so I have lost 22.8 lbs!! The 22 lbs came off the healthy way… working out and eating right…. But these next 10lbs, I just need to get them off so that I can look good when I go to Miami! :)
I know the weight that I loose from the Master Cleanse probably won’t stay off…. But I’m gonna get right back in the gym when I get back from Miami, so I ‘m not worried about that!
Right now, I am feeling a little bit lethargic, but that probably has more do with the fact that I was up late last night with…. Ok, I need to name her; I’ll call her ‘J’, [DON”T READ THIS PART MOM] having the best sex of my LIFE! OMG! Ok, I’m not gonna go in to detail, but I’m so falling for this girl… and yes it is the same girl that I wrote about here.
So anyways… back to the Cleanse…:)
It is definitely tough… and it’s not so much that I’m hungry… I just want to eat, out of habit I guess. Work seems to be the hardest part of the day. Once I’m home I’m ok… I read or meditate or watch TV and I don’t even think about food. It definitely helps that G is doing it too.
I can’t wait see what the scale says at the end of all of this… my goal is 165lbs. I will keep you guys posted.
Wish me luck!
We’re on day 2.
Yesterday went well… I’m definitely more hungry today than I was yesterday, but I also had a distraction yesterday (*wink* more to come on that).
First of all I’m ecstatic with my weight right now …. I haven’t posted anything about it but when I weighed myself this morning I was at 174 lbs…. if you remember from the last time I posted about my weight I was 196.8 … so I have lost 22.8 lbs!! The 22 lbs came off the healthy way… working out and eating right…. But these next 10lbs, I just need to get them off so that I can look good when I go to Miami! :)
I know the weight that I loose from the Master Cleanse probably won’t stay off…. But I’m gonna get right back in the gym when I get back from Miami, so I ‘m not worried about that!
Right now, I am feeling a little bit lethargic, but that probably has more do with the fact that I was up late last night with…. Ok, I need to name her; I’ll call her ‘J’, [DON”T READ THIS PART MOM] having the best sex of my LIFE! OMG! Ok, I’m not gonna go in to detail, but I’m so falling for this girl… and yes it is the same girl that I wrote about here.
So anyways… back to the Cleanse…:)
It is definitely tough… and it’s not so much that I’m hungry… I just want to eat, out of habit I guess. Work seems to be the hardest part of the day. Once I’m home I’m ok… I read or meditate or watch TV and I don’t even think about food. It definitely helps that G is doing it too.
I can’t wait see what the scale says at the end of all of this… my goal is 165lbs. I will keep you guys posted.
Wish me luck!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Giddy… :)
She saw my profile on a popular dating website… we had similar interests and seemed to be on the same wave length… so she ‘winked’ at me. We exchanged emails, text messages and spoke on the phone and I was already completely enamored before ever meeting her. Her emails were engaging and inquisitive, she wanted to know what made me tick and she opened herself up to me. She’s a poet and an Aquarius… an amazing combination. Her way with words made me literally laugh out loud and other times made my spine tingle. I was giddy and excited, but I knew I had to meet her in person before I got wrapped up in a figment of my imagination. Then we met…. And now here I am with butterflies in my stomach.
What is happening to me? This girl has totally caught me off guard. We barely know each other, but there is this innate connection that I can’t explain. It’s crazy… but the way that I feel when I am with her…. is like nothing that I have experienced before. She’s attentive, affectionate, creative and mature, and when she looks at me I can see something in her eyes… she is vocal about what she is thinking and feeling, she’s beautiful, she is passionate, she’s intelligent and insightful, I trust her when she is in control and I can totally let go with her…. I don’t feel the need to be the one that does everything. She’s my equal.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I know, I know….. sloooooooow down. And when I say love… I don’t mean actual love I just mean that there is an immediate connection, an animal attraction… and a conscience awareness of it.
Some people have said that it is too soon for me to get involved with someone again. Honestly I had no intention of anything serious, but now, I don’t know that I can say that anymore. The universe brought her into my life at this very moment for a reason and it feels so right. This process of emotional and spiritual growth that I have gone through (and am still going through) has aligned me with her. So I’m going with it.
Stay tuned…. :)
What is happening to me? This girl has totally caught me off guard. We barely know each other, but there is this innate connection that I can’t explain. It’s crazy… but the way that I feel when I am with her…. is like nothing that I have experienced before. She’s attentive, affectionate, creative and mature, and when she looks at me I can see something in her eyes… she is vocal about what she is thinking and feeling, she’s beautiful, she is passionate, she’s intelligent and insightful, I trust her when she is in control and I can totally let go with her…. I don’t feel the need to be the one that does everything. She’s my equal.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
I know, I know….. sloooooooow down. And when I say love… I don’t mean actual love I just mean that there is an immediate connection, an animal attraction… and a conscience awareness of it.
Some people have said that it is too soon for me to get involved with someone again. Honestly I had no intention of anything serious, but now, I don’t know that I can say that anymore. The universe brought her into my life at this very moment for a reason and it feels so right. This process of emotional and spiritual growth that I have gone through (and am still going through) has aligned me with her. So I’m going with it.
Stay tuned…. :)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Hello again...
I haven’t written in a while… shame on me. I’ve wanted to write several times and starting typing, but then got pulled away for one reason or another.
I’m not sure where to start.
I’ve been sober for 25 days. Yes, I realize I sound like an alcoholic, I don’t want to go into details, but I was absolutely out of control and totally destructive.
My plan is to go 30 days. The point of this period of sobriety is to sit still and actually feel whatever I was trying to mask with the alcohol. Drinking made things seems so simple… I don’t give a shit about anything, I’ll say whatever to anybody and it makes me feel like my ‘situation’ isn’t a situation.
The truth is; I’m lonely. Which is normal I guess. But, I hate feeling like I am always available to other people, and other people aren’t available to me.
When did this happen?
I have a wonderful group of friends so I know that I’m not ‘alone’, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much of an adjustment single life would be. I was apart of a couple for most of my 20’s…. and now I am having to redefine and rediscover myself. I don’t think I really grasped the extent of that, hence the alcohol abuse…. Well, until now anyway.
I’m enjoying the time that I spend alone (most of the time). I feel like I am growing and searching to learn more about who this new me is and what I want out of life. Honestly, it’s hard…. It’s hard to sit still with your own thoughts, your own past, present and future with nothing blurring your view. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of distractions, but I’m trying to lean towards the non-destructive and non-life altering kind. It’s amazing how aware you become when just pay attention.
I’m a work in progress.
I find comfort in knowing that as traumatically painful and core-shaking as this experience has been, I know that I made the right decision for me and I will come out stronger, healthier and better because of it.
Everything happens exactly as it should…even when you think it shouldn’t.
I’m not sure where to start.
I’ve been sober for 25 days. Yes, I realize I sound like an alcoholic, I don’t want to go into details, but I was absolutely out of control and totally destructive.
My plan is to go 30 days. The point of this period of sobriety is to sit still and actually feel whatever I was trying to mask with the alcohol. Drinking made things seems so simple… I don’t give a shit about anything, I’ll say whatever to anybody and it makes me feel like my ‘situation’ isn’t a situation.
The truth is; I’m lonely. Which is normal I guess. But, I hate feeling like I am always available to other people, and other people aren’t available to me.
When did this happen?
I have a wonderful group of friends so I know that I’m not ‘alone’, but I guess I just didn’t realize how much of an adjustment single life would be. I was apart of a couple for most of my 20’s…. and now I am having to redefine and rediscover myself. I don’t think I really grasped the extent of that, hence the alcohol abuse…. Well, until now anyway.
I’m enjoying the time that I spend alone (most of the time). I feel like I am growing and searching to learn more about who this new me is and what I want out of life. Honestly, it’s hard…. It’s hard to sit still with your own thoughts, your own past, present and future with nothing blurring your view. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of distractions, but I’m trying to lean towards the non-destructive and non-life altering kind. It’s amazing how aware you become when just pay attention.
I’m a work in progress.
I find comfort in knowing that as traumatically painful and core-shaking as this experience has been, I know that I made the right decision for me and I will come out stronger, healthier and better because of it.
Everything happens exactly as it should…even when you think it shouldn’t.
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