Tuesday, August 18, 2009

This isn't a "cheery" post... just real life

I know we all have our days... But my days seem to have turned into weeks.

Aunt Flo is a Bitch and so is all this emotional shit that she brings with her.

I know this is all way too much information- but HELLO, a big part of blogging for me is to be able to vent.

So here goes...

My alarm woke me up at 515am this morning (I had to be at work super early). I woke up feeling really sad... Maybe I dreamed something weird (I can't remember), or maybe it was because I had a long conversation with my Mom the day before. Either way, by the time I made it into the shower I was crying uncontrollably like a complete crazy person.

I miss my family so much. I just kept thinking about how much I have missed over the ten years that I have lived here. My sister is an adult and my Mom... my Mom is Happy. I know it sounds silly and dramatic ( maybe it's the hormones) but couldn't get it together this morning.

I get it... You are suppose to grow up and leave the nest, but what do u do when the nest is so fucking far that you can only afford (afford both time off of work and the $$ to get there) to visit once, MAYBE twice a year??

It was just My Mom, My Sister and Myself for so long; We grew really close- we had too, it was the only way to come out of my parents divorce with any sanity. Of course it wasn't always pretty, but my Mom is the most amazing person in the world- as cliche as is it to say, she truly was our rock. My sister was just a baby, 7 years old, but despite all the "earthquakes" today she is this beautiful, bright eyed young lady, that always sees the best in everything and everybody. Then when I left home at 17 to go to college in the U.S., the distance brought us even closer... But it also brought a lot of tears, heartache and passport stamps. (Ergo the hysterical tears in the shower this morning)

If I'm so miserable why do I still live here??

Again, Aunt Flo makes me a little nutty and irrational once a month- So I'm not always feeling this tormented and depressed.

But to Answer the question- LIFE HAPPENED.

Things have just gotten more and more complex as the years have past and moving back home isn't as simple as buying a one way ticket.

What about My girlfriend of almost 5 years, my friends, my job, all the crap I have accumulated over the years, debts, dreams of graduate school.... The list goes on and on.

I took my depressed ass to work at 6am and worked nonstop till about lunch time, when my girlfriend called me and guessed that something was wrong by the tone of my voice. Of course, tears again.

I finally had a chance to call my Mom around 3 in the afternoon- I got a busy signal, but a few seconds later my BB was ringing and it was my Mom. After a long conversation of spilling everything and My Mom saying all the right things (and tears again) I felt better- even after the crying induced headache and working since the crack of dawn.

When I got home... My girlfriend surprised me with flowers! :-)

Very sweet.

She said she didn't want me to be sad... And she knew flowers make me happy.

Life is such a roller coaster.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


  1. aww honeybun...what a day. Its crazy how much of each others life we miss. I'm always the one crying on your shoulder, don't forget its a two way street if you ever need me!! I can only imagine how hard it is missing your family...glad your sweetie could make your day a little brighter.

  2. Thanks G! I know…and I appreciate it. :-)


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