Hanging off the wagon. Again.

50 pounds is looking very far away. Maybe I need another plan? So yesterday after work I went to the gym and worked out for 45 minutes… great! Right? Then I went home hungry, I ate a cheese quesadilla, the rest of the crab dip with chips, 3 mini snickers ice cream bas, a handful of Edy’s ice cream bites AND 3 smurfs. WHAT THE FUCK. I have no self control. So we are going to try again… baby portions are okay, I don’t have to eat everything. Maybe I need to repeat that to myself a couple hundred times a day? Whatever. So anyways… today; Today, I’m feeling okay I guess. A little sleepy but in good spirits for the most part. It’s only 11am though… so I will let you know later.

Random babbling

I snoozed at least 3 times morning…. So tired! Anyways, when I looked in the mirror this morning, it kinda looked like the dark circles under my eyes were going away a little bit, it’s not quite as dark. But I am just tired today… I don’t know where my high went that I had at the beginning of the week. I got paid today… I so want to go shopping. But, #1 I need to buy a birthday present for both my Mom and Sister, so I can mail it at once, and #2 I don’t want to buy anymore fat girl clothes! I am going to plan my reward now, when I lose 50 pounds, I am going to allow myself $500 on 1 big ticket item ( or may 2 or 3 medium ticket items?). So I need to get serious… I could buy a pair of Manolo’s, or a purse, or I could have a spa day… possibilities are endless!

Put down the burger...

I ate McDonalds for lunch today. Double cheese burger. Large fries. 6 piece nugget. Eegghhh, I should be ashamed! And the worst part is, it wasn’t even that good. I was craving it big time, and I couldn’t control the urge. However, I did something positive to counteract my binge… I joined a website called sparkpeople.com. Kind of like a free weight watchers. Speaking of, I need to buy a tape measure so that I can record my measurements. Anyways, I did drag myself to the gym after work; I did 15 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical. As tired as I was, MB birthday is tomorrow and they are going to [a fun place that I'm not going to name] tonight, so of course I had to join! Here is the text that I received from RS regarding tonight, “Hey! Come to [A fun place that I’n not going to name] to join in celebrating MB (-1 til 30) birf-dey! Tonight. 8pm. Wear pink. It’ll be a gay invasion!!” So I have to find something pink to wear! So, I went home, showered, put my make up on (I used my new concealer for the dark circle around my eyes… and I think it worked!). I wound up wearing this salmon colored (it’s in the pink family!) shirt that I don’t really like and have never even worn before… whatever, it was pink! We had a great time and CS even got me a light up purple pen with his winnings! And they had cake, chocolate cake…. FUCK, so much for going to the gym!

My quarterlife crisis...

There is no point in being pissy and angry and depressed for no good reason, life is too short! At least that is what I tell myself! And today is a good day, so I actually believe it! I don’t know what happened, but I feel happy about life again. Well, I think I do know what happened. I was taking those awful fucking birth control pills…Yaz. The whole point of that particular pill was to help with PMDD… aka, bitchyness, irritableness and all the other lovely things that Aunt Flo brings along with her. Apparently it had the reverse effect on me. Everything was multiplied! I was a bitch (more than normal), and sad… just a fucking mess! I’m not going to dwell on the past though, because today I am HAPPY!

New to the Blogging world...

I have been keeping a journal, just a word document, nothing special… but I decided that I should post it. Put it out there for the whole world to see. So here it is… enjoy!

About me…

I am a 27 year old bi-racial Sex and the city loving lesbian. I have been with my girlfriend for about 4 ½ years. She is patient, kind and caring; nothing at all like me. I love her soooo much! We fight (ok, I yell and she gets mad at me for yelling) and she gets on my nerves from time to time but at the end of the day she is still the love of my life! My family means the world to me. I seriously have the most loving supportive family that any girl could ever ask for. When I came out of the closest almost 5 years ago, my Mom looked at me and said, “what the hell took you so long to tell me?!” And my father, who I came out to over beers at a local bar said, “I don’t care, I just want you to be happy.” I am most definitely one of the lucky ones!

I’m outgoing and loud, and sometimes a little bit too much.
I love my friends! They are all really special to me.
I love chick-lit.
I am OBSESSED with Sex and the City.
I’m anally organized about really random stuff.
I’m a Gemini, and I fall in the category “jack of all trades master of none”.
I love to travel.
I love chocolate.
I love music... you should see me singing my car!
I secretly want to be a Rockstar.
I love makeup.
I love getting dressed up.
I’m a girly-girl. I’d rather watch gymnastics or What not to Wear.
I hate my big boobs. I want a breast reduction, but I’m a little scared of the “surgery” part.
I love shoes. I really, really love heels. Pumps, peep-toes, sling-backs, platforms, wedges, you name, I love it.
I love Greek food, but I love German food more.
I love sitting outside at a nice café, taking in the sun and chit-chatting with friends.
I love to cook and I am a bit of a food snob.
I hope to open a restaurant in the near future.
I believe in human rights.
I think everybody deserves the right to pursue THEIR happiness.
I think Prop. 8 is stupid.
I think organized religion is a little scary.
I do believe in God, but I don’t believe in shoving your religion down someone else’s throat.
I DO NOT believe that I homosexuality is a sin, and we are definitely not going to burn in hell.
I believe that God loves me for exactly who I am.
I hate when people talk down about things that they don’t know anything about.
I’m über-liberal.
I believe in Karma.
I believe in the Law of Attraction… Oprah knows what she is talking about.
I want to adopt kids. Older kids.
I want to make a difference in somebody’s life.
I don’t really have a favorite color. I just love color in general. Red, teal, pink, purple, kelly green…
I ♥ NYC. My goal is to live there by my 30th birthday.
I love flowers.
I have major hay fever. I sneeze all spring long.
I think I was a hippie in a former life.
I might be addicted to blogging.
I could keep going on and on and continue this list, but I think I’ll stop here!