It's not Friday yet...

I have soooo many things I want to talk about.

First that I really, really miss G who is out in the middle of no where serving in the Peace Corps, and How J and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary in Miami during a big lezzie pride weekend 2 weeks ago, and the wonderful weekend we had in NYC as I accompanied J to a career changing and inspiring workshop this past weekend. 

(breathe)

But, the number one thing is how I am beginning to absolutely despise my job.

Ok, not really my job, more so just my dick-head boss.

Ok, maybe my job too.

Any who...I'd love to elaborate on all these things, but I am literally looking for jobs as I type this and also working on another little project for my side business.

Sooooo I'll get into that more later.

On another note...

Here's a little something that kinda made my day this morning....

It's not a huge drop in fact it is tini-tiny considering the last time I weighed myself... but with the rate that things have been going, I'm happy with this number.

No, I don't want to talk about the drinks in Miami, or the Chinese food, pizza, hot dogs and more in New York, or the fact that I have only workedout twice in the last 2 weeks.

Why is it so hard this time?!

I think it may be time to join LA Fitness again. I keep going back and forth with this. I have a gym in my apartment community, but it's nothing special (2 treadmills, an elliptical and weights) and it takes a shit-ton of motivation to get me there because it's sooooo boring. If I have my gym clothes in the car and I'm paying LA Fitness 30 bucks a month, I should have a tad bit more motivation, no? Or is this just another cop-out excuse to blow some money?

Don't know, but I shall keep you posted on what I decided.

Have a wonderful day.... I'll be back very soon :-)


xoxo,

That’s BULLSHIT!

Remember the huge life changing surprise I had?

Well… it fell through.

They didn’t pick me. :-(

It’s complete bullshit.

Anyways… since it doesn’t matter anymore, I can tell you the big secret.

I auditioned for MasterChef…. A cooking show for amateur chefs that airs on Fox.

G and I drove out to New Orleans. 6 hours in the car… just me my bestie and my nerves… oh and my tasting dish on dry ice. I made Lime grilled shrimp with corn salsa and cilantro aioli… I must say it was pretty damn tasty.

I made it through the tasting round, personality round and the on-camera interview round.

Seriously, I made it really far.

Like to the point of signing confidentiality contracts and giving me dates of taping and stipend amounts if I make it to LA. Of course they were always really careful to mention that I was still in the running and not yet been selected, but still… all of that seemed to justify getting my hopes up.

But when it came down to being on the show, they didn’t pick me.

Woe is me.

The thought of possibly winning $250,000 by just doing what I love…. And the exposure on national television…

Man this is bullshit.

So I’m disappointed. But life goes on.

There is always MasterChef 2012.

xoxo,
 

"Your passion is what stirs your soul...."

"Find your passion. Your passion is what stirs your soul and makes you feel like you're totally in harmony with why you showed up here in the first place." Dr. Wayne Dyer

I had to smile when I read this on FB today, because my girlfriend and I have been talking a lot about this over the last few days. It’s almost like it’s been on my brain so much that it is popping up everywhere… funny how the universe works.

Sooo…what is MY passion? What’s stirs my soul?

That’s the dilemma of my world right now.

I thought cooking/food was my passion. I’m not sure that it is. I like to cook and I LOVE food. But it didn’t feel like a passion today.

I’m in Texas at our corporate test kitchen again for work… we are working on the upcoming menus and part of our process is to recreate all the recipes to test for accuracy and tasting. Well, I’m the only ‘non-chef’ and the only female in the kitchen during this process.

Don’t get me wrong…I love wearing a Chef’s jacket, clunky clog chef’s shoes and working in a commercial kitchen… but feeling like you are a tall as an ant because the Chef’s don’t respect you… not so fun. Being the only woman (out of 14 arrogant Chef’s)… also not so fun.

They always give me the simple dishes to execute… for obvious reasons, my technique and skill aren’t at their level. That said, I fucked up both vinaigrettes I was responsible for making. Well, fucked up is an exaggeration, the recipes were fucked up, but they were still looking at me like I fucked it up.

It’s silly and I know I can cook and I know most people enjoy my food, but I hate that feeling- that feeling that I’m not even good at what I THINK my passion is.

I really do love food… but it is such a blow to my ego knowing that my girlfriend and my friends think I’m this great cook… but really, in a real kitchen outside of my house, I suck.

I had to go hide in the back office for a little while because I felt the tears prickle the back of my eyes. I just felt so frustrated and sad. I remembered looking in the mirror in the bathroom this morning and liking the way the Chef’s jacket looked on me and thinking… hmm, maybe? Is it just the status that I like that comes along with the jacket? If this was my passion, wouldn’t I know it? And if this isn’t it, what do I do now?

And on another note, why is the culinary world dominated by men?

I thought cooking was a woman’s thing? It’s a horrible piggish thing to think that ‘woman belong in the kitchen’… but why isn’t that true in the commercial kitchen?? Because men don’t want women to have any power or prestige?? Maybe this is part of the reason I’m hating the culinary world right now? They are dumb. Some of the male Chef’s anyways. They act like ten year old boys running around the kitchen with chefs knives posing as reputable adults. AND they treat me as a damsel in distress. I CAN DO IT MYSELF! I know what it means to julienne, I don’t need you to show me. No, the knife is too heavy for my sad weak delicate girly hands. Just because I didn’t go to CIA and I have a vjayjay between my legs doesn’t mean I can’t fucking cut onions or chop parsley properly. Ugh. I’m just as competent as they are, but sometimes I don’t feel like I care enough to fight.

So I just had a shitty day at work. Doesn’t mean I can’t still do it. Cook that is.

I don’t wanna just go through the motions in life…. I want to do something that I’m passionate about.

So what’s my passion?