That’s BULLSHIT!

Remember the huge life changing surprise I had?

Well… it fell through.

They didn’t pick me. :-(

It’s complete bullshit.

Anyways… since it doesn’t matter anymore, I can tell you the big secret.

I auditioned for MasterChef…. A cooking show for amateur chefs that airs on Fox.

G and I drove out to New Orleans. 6 hours in the car… just me my bestie and my nerves… oh and my tasting dish on dry ice. I made Lime grilled shrimp with corn salsa and cilantro aioli… I must say it was pretty damn tasty.

I made it through the tasting round, personality round and the on-camera interview round.

Seriously, I made it really far.

Like to the point of signing confidentiality contracts and giving me dates of taping and stipend amounts if I make it to LA. Of course they were always really careful to mention that I was still in the running and not yet been selected, but still… all of that seemed to justify getting my hopes up.

But when it came down to being on the show, they didn’t pick me.

Woe is me.

The thought of possibly winning $250,000 by just doing what I love…. And the exposure on national television…

Man this is bullshit.

So I’m disappointed. But life goes on.

There is always MasterChef 2012.

xoxo,
 

Battling the fat girl living inside of me and Betty Crocker…

I haven’t been to the gym since last Wednesday.

I haven’t been eating badly, but I haven’t been to the gym in 7 days, and the only reason I went then was because I was out of town for business and I didn’t have anything else to do.

What do I have to do to get rid of the porker inside of me??

Didn't I enjoy working out at one point??

I keep saying all the things I need to do, and I’m ‘gonna’ do… Hell I stopped eating for 11 days cleanse my system and ‘re-boot’(11 days instead of 10 on the master cleanse, apparently J and I can’t count!).

Part of the problem is the holiday madness. Getting ready for our road trip, baking millions of delicious little treats as though my last name is Crocker… shopping, packing and shipping… just one thing after another.

The cookies turned out great by the way… here is the picture I promised:




Chocolate chip cookies, Nutella filled orange linzer cookies, Mexican wedding cookies (aka snowball cookies), butter cookies AND sugar cookies

Needles to say, my kitchen was quite a CF (cluster fuck) for a couple of days… but it was worth it…. I’m pretty sure the girlfriend’s family will enjoy them! Nothing like a homemade gift!
Good news is when we get back from our holiday road trip the cookies will no longer be in the house, there will be no gifts to wrap and I’ll have absolutely no excuse for not working out.

Talk to you guys when I get back…. Have a wonderful ChrisKwazHkah!

xoxo,
 

Falling asleep at work…

It’s one of those days.

I don’t know if it’s the weather or what, but I went to bed early- 1030pm and woke up around 715am and I am still dragging. Did I sleep too much??

*sorry, I nodded off in front of my computer* lol… such a dork.

On another note…. The girlfriend and I will be packing up a rental car and driving to her home town (12 hours away!) on Wednesday for Chirstmas. I’m pretty excited about it, because we had so much fun together the last road trip… not really looking forward to the driving though.

Over the weekend I made piles and piles of holiday cookies. My entire kitchen was covered with flour and sprinkles and chocolate… every surface was covered by something. I’ll have to snap a picture when I get home tonight.

Speaking of pictures… I never made the chocolate soufflé or Hollandaise; however I did assault half a dozen eggs trying to make a perfect poached egg… lol. It’s not quite as easy as I thought but I finally got it…. Thanks to some youtube videos and Juila Child.

Oh I can't forget, the girlfriend also made me breakfast in bed on Sunday. So very sweet! Pancakes, eggs, turkey bacon and fruit.  She loves me :-)

Keeping it short and sweet today…. You all have a wonderful day!

Oh wait….Did you guys notice I’ve been blogging more?? :-) 6 posts so far this month, compared to 1 last month. (whomp whomp)

Ciao!

xoxo,
 

I have a secret!

I have something sooooooo huge coming up and I want to talk about it soooo bad.

But I can’t.

I can’t say a word.

Don’t you hate when people do that. Say that have something über important to discuss, but can’t say??

I do. It’s the worst.

So sorry about that.

Seriously, you have no idea how bad I want to spill. Lol

Anyways…

Last night I made a traditional cheese soufflé for the first time… I think I over cooked it just a tad, but the taste was still delicious.



cheese  soufflé


I also made a  Roasted Garlic and Pepper Sabayon with Asparagus and Seared Scallops. OMG.Yum! First of all I looooove asparagus, but the Sabayon was heaven on a plate. The Sabayon is traditionally a dessert sauce, but the ingredients can be changed to just about any combination to make it savory.

  Roasted Garlic and Pepper Sabayon with Asparagus and Seared Scallops

I have Mastering the Art of French Cooking out on my coffee table just waiting for me to get home- I’m poaching eggs, making hollandaise and making chocolate soufflé tonight. Super excited! I’ll post pictures tomorrow!

SN: I am making all this stuff for the purpose of being a better cook- not to be a fat ass and eat it all, lol. I’ll be having a salad and just tasting/sharing my creations. And of course I will squeeze in some gym time too!

Have a wonderful day!

xoxo,
 

Food!!

So my final weight after the cleanse…. 197.2 lbs.

About 16 pounds lost in 10 days.

Not too shabby!

Here’s what I ate after a day of freash squeezed OJ and clear chicken broth…

It was delsious! Mixed greens, tomatoes, cucumbers, red onions, broccoli, dill and a homemade vinaigrette…. Yum!

I’m keeping it short today. Gotta get to the gym!

Have a wonderful night!


xoxo,
 

"Your passion is what stirs your soul...."

"Find your passion. Your passion is what stirs your soul and makes you feel like you're totally in harmony with why you showed up here in the first place." Dr. Wayne Dyer

I had to smile when I read this on FB today, because my girlfriend and I have been talking a lot about this over the last few days. It’s almost like it’s been on my brain so much that it is popping up everywhere… funny how the universe works.

Sooo…what is MY passion? What’s stirs my soul?

That’s the dilemma of my world right now.

I thought cooking/food was my passion. I’m not sure that it is. I like to cook and I LOVE food. But it didn’t feel like a passion today.

I’m in Texas at our corporate test kitchen again for work… we are working on the upcoming menus and part of our process is to recreate all the recipes to test for accuracy and tasting. Well, I’m the only ‘non-chef’ and the only female in the kitchen during this process.

Don’t get me wrong…I love wearing a Chef’s jacket, clunky clog chef’s shoes and working in a commercial kitchen… but feeling like you are a tall as an ant because the Chef’s don’t respect you… not so fun. Being the only woman (out of 14 arrogant Chef’s)… also not so fun.

They always give me the simple dishes to execute… for obvious reasons, my technique and skill aren’t at their level. That said, I fucked up both vinaigrettes I was responsible for making. Well, fucked up is an exaggeration, the recipes were fucked up, but they were still looking at me like I fucked it up.

It’s silly and I know I can cook and I know most people enjoy my food, but I hate that feeling- that feeling that I’m not even good at what I THINK my passion is.

I really do love food… but it is such a blow to my ego knowing that my girlfriend and my friends think I’m this great cook… but really, in a real kitchen outside of my house, I suck.

I had to go hide in the back office for a little while because I felt the tears prickle the back of my eyes. I just felt so frustrated and sad. I remembered looking in the mirror in the bathroom this morning and liking the way the Chef’s jacket looked on me and thinking… hmm, maybe? Is it just the status that I like that comes along with the jacket? If this was my passion, wouldn’t I know it? And if this isn’t it, what do I do now?

And on another note, why is the culinary world dominated by men?

I thought cooking was a woman’s thing? It’s a horrible piggish thing to think that ‘woman belong in the kitchen’… but why isn’t that true in the commercial kitchen?? Because men don’t want women to have any power or prestige?? Maybe this is part of the reason I’m hating the culinary world right now? They are dumb. Some of the male Chef’s anyways. They act like ten year old boys running around the kitchen with chefs knives posing as reputable adults. AND they treat me as a damsel in distress. I CAN DO IT MYSELF! I know what it means to julienne, I don’t need you to show me. No, the knife is too heavy for my sad weak delicate girly hands. Just because I didn’t go to CIA and I have a vjayjay between my legs doesn’t mean I can’t fucking cut onions or chop parsley properly. Ugh. I’m just as competent as they are, but sometimes I don’t feel like I care enough to fight.

So I just had a shitty day at work. Doesn’t mean I can’t still do it. Cook that is.

I don’t wanna just go through the motions in life…. I want to do something that I’m passionate about.

So what’s my passion?

Home sweet home…

I was at home with my family for 10 days. It felt like a 3 day weekend. But I guess that’s why they say time flies when you’re having fun.

Something about being at home recharges my battery… fills my soul. Cheesy but true.
I’ve been coming and going visiting home once… sometimes twice a year for the last 11years. You would think that after this many years the leaving would be a breeze, nope… it’s still hard. Every time.

I know I’ve written about this before, but I’m sitting in the airplane headed back to the states (back to J :-)) and thinking about how much I miss them already. I love my life in my city… just wish they were closer.

Anyways… enough of the sad stuff.

I had an awesome time at home. The highlight was definitely laying on the couch cuddling with my Mom and sister watching TV. Of course we left the house too…. Went to Oma and Opa’s house and ate delicious food. We traveled to Berlin (my first time) for 3 days and roamed around the city looking at bits of history and shopping of course.

I hung out with my Dad and his new girlfriend… that was an adventure. A topic for another post.

I just love the city that I’m from…. It’s so pretty and so full of character. The only thing that would have made it better was if J had been there. We actually had fun the 10 days we spent apart. We Skyped almost every day… and sort of found a new appreciation for each other. J actually started us on a really cute adventure. She started writing a store and sent me what she wrote for me to continue it, then I sent it back and she continued and so on. The story has evolved dramatically… it’s up to 19 pages now… and the plot and getting thicker and thicker. Her sneaky way to get me writing again I guess…lol…. It worked, because we are having so much fun writing it. I love her so much… her creativity and love for words inspires me to rekindle my own love for writing. Needless to say, I can’t wait to see how the story unfolds… it might be too racy to post here…. With Mom reading and all… lol…. We might just have to edit it and send it to a publisher. :-)

Two hours till we land… and back to reality… a pretty awesome reality. :-)

Why do we sabotage ourselves?

I’m not sure what is going on with me lately (other than the pms), but I am feeling extremely rebellious. My life is consumed with trying to keep a healthy diet and exercise- and figuring out ways to save money and pay off my debt.

Anyways, I said all that to say- I’m not weighing in tomorrow.

I don’t care.

Ok- I do care, but I don’t care to know how much I have gained this week.

And instead of feeling bad about it, I’m just not gonna look.

I’m writing this week off all together, and I will be back in the gym on Saturday (pinkie swear!).

I don’t know how to explain it. I haven’t been to the gym at all this week- the only thing I have been doing is watching Sex and the City and eating. I’ve given in to every craving I’ve had this week- Chinese food, pizza hut pizza, twizzlers, chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, mint chip ice cream, frozen Margaritas (which later turned in to shots of tequila), risotto… and the list goes on.

G asked if I wanted to go jogging with her around the neighborhood in the morning before work-My excuse; I just straightened my hair and don’t want to mess it up.

The worst part is I have no remorse for my unproductive behavior.

Whacha gonna do… shit happens.

My internal battle

I really want some Popeye’s. You know- the greasy spicy fried chicken with yummy sides like seasoned fries, dirty rice, red beans and rice and fattening buttery biscuits.



TMI- but I finally started my period after what seems like 2 weeks of PMSing. This could be the cause of my fried chicken battle.

Believe or not, I actually worked out yesterday. I went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 25 minutes on the treadmill doing walk/run intervals. I was thinking about chicken the whole time.

I haven’t caved yet, but I have a feeling that I might. Honestly the only reason why I haven’t gotten any Popeye’s yet is because I am completely broke until pay day tomorrow. I have $2.39 in my checking account and I have less than a quarter tank of gas in my car and I still need to make it home from work tonight. My job is about 25 miles from my house. That means I am going to spend my last two dollars on a gallon of gas.

I brought this on myself.

I spent $8.46 at blockbuster 2 days ago knowing I was going to need gas before I got paid this week.

What?

I realized I hadn’t seen season 1, 2 or 3 of Grey’s Anatomy. So I spent the $8.46 to rent season 1. I could have watched it on the internet for free, but it was super annoying because it kept freezing.

Right. Good move genius.

So hopefully a gallon of gas will be enough for me to make it home. Good thing I have a small, fuel efficient car. lol